


breathing you in

by FayeWildwood



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Abuse Flashbacks, Legends of Tomorrow Didn't Happen, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, secret softy, snart needs love, sort of au but not really, sort of character death?, up to date flash, warning of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-14 20:48:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10544108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FayeWildwood/pseuds/FayeWildwood
Summary: He wasn't sure why he did it, why he gave the damn hero his actual phone number. Or why he left him standing in the middle of the street, still wearing his parka. He wasn't a good guy. He didn't like helping people, but the speedster was different. That terrified look in the kid's eyes shot through him like lightning- pun totally intended. He was reminded of himself when he was younger, the attacks that surged through him every time he heard his sister scream or his father yell.So what if he wanted to help the kid? So what if he liked the feel of Barry's hand on his chest? He sure as hell wasn't going to let it get in his way. But if he came running when Barry called... well so what?





	1. Keep the Parka

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Дышу тобой](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13390710) by [kotokoshka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kotokoshka/pseuds/kotokoshka)



> SPOILERS if you aren't caught up  
> So this story will be up to date on the Flash (So spoilers for those who aren't caught up yet). But it's sort of an AU, because I'm pretending Legends of Tomorrow never happened. Mostly because I'm not caught up so I'm just pretending it never happened. Snart and Mick are still thriving in Central City. Also Barry and Iris aren't a thing. He is still trying to save her from Savvitar b/c he cares about her the most (as a sister), but they aren't together.  
> Anyway, I hope you like it!
> 
> Update: This will before Caitlyn goes all killer frost in the newest episode.
> 
> Warnings: Panic attacks, PTSD?, sex and adult content, mentions of past abuse, violence

They had been happening a lot more lately. The world would fall out from under him and his throat would close up, his vision narrowing as he tried to force himself to breathe. His chest constricted and he froze, his mind foggy as he tried to concentrate. He used to be so good at feeling them coming, when he was younger. He had better control over them, and eventually they faded away and he didn't have them anymore. But recently, with the stress of being the Flash and Iris' death looming in the future, they had come back full force, unpredictable and unstoppable. Barry didn't know where he was, what he was doing... he couldn't even remember if he was Barry or the Flash right now.

"Well, well, well. You're a bit late on the draw there, Scarlet," a deep voice muddled through his ears, but he couldn't focus on it. "If you're here to stop us-" a long pause, so long. "Scarlet?"

Barry held his arms out, reaching out for something to grab onto, something to ground him as his vision darkened. Can't breathe, can't breathe, he chanted silently. Two large hands clamped onto his arms and the warmth surged through his vibrating skin. The scent of winter pines and sweat filled his senses and he tried to focus, to remember who's scent that belonged to but he was shaking so hard. Was he cold? He couldn't think.

"Scarlet, kid, look at me. Damn it, Mick get the door, he's having a panic attack."

"What? You want to bring him in?"

There was a low growl as Snart glared at his partner. "The door, Mick." The arsonist grumbled but pulled out the keys to the safe house and unlocked it. Snart wrapped one of Barry's arms over his shoulder and helped him inside. He was shaking so hard that the vibrations almost sent Snart flying away, but he held tight until he got the speedster to one of the bedrooms and set him gently on the bed. Mick stayed in the doorway, watching with interest as Barry curled in on himself, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, his teeth chattering and his eyes wide with panic.

"C-can't breathe," Barry gasped, vibrating so hard he was merely a blur of motion. "Can't... can't..."

Snart sighed and glared at the kid. Sure they were enemies, but he'd always liked the speedster in a weird way. They had made a deal, and though it never said anything about protecting each other, Snart seemed to do that anyway. He reached up and grabbed where he assumed Barry's shoulders were. The grip slowed him down just enough for the two thieves to see him, if not a bit blurry still. "Scar- Barry, listen to me, can you hear my voice? You need to calm down, or you'll break my damn bed. Focus on me, Barry, you need to breathe."

Barry jumped slightly at the voice but tried to do as it said, tried to focus on it. He knew this was bad, he knew that this was one of the worse attacks he'd had in a while. But he couldn't breathe and his chest hurt. The voice was soft, soothing, but it was deep and gruff, drawled out too long and too slow. He felt something heavy drape across his shoulders and consume him, falling over his head and putting him in darkness. It was oddly comforting and the scent- trees and sweat and cold- surrounded him. He breathed it in, shakily at first and in big gulps, focusing on the sensations he could use to ground himself. The material around him was heavy, but soft. Something tickled his nose, something soft and feathery. Two warm hands gripped his, sweaty and tight, but not painful. The voice kept talking to him, but almost in slow motion and Barry couldn't keep up, couldn't understand what he was saying. He felt his hand being raised and pressed against something hard. There was a soft thumping under his hand and it raised up and down, slowly, evenly. After what seemed like hours to Barry, but was only a few minutes for the rogues, the shaking slowed and then stopped completely. Barry took slow even breaths along with Snart, his fingers gripping at the 'captain's' shirt as he finally came back, his glossy eyes focusing slightly under the hood of Snart's Parka.

"S-Snart?" Barry blinked at him, almost sleepy, trying to take in the unfamiliar surroundings and why his hand was still on Snart's chest. It was comforting, grounding, and he felt like he couldn't let go just yet. He looked down to see Snart's Parka around his arms, the hood hanging too far over his head. It was much too big for Barry but he liked it. "Why am I here?"

Snart grunted, glancing at Mick. "You had a panic attack. Thought you were here to stop us, but you were freaking, kid."

Barry looked at the man with wide, innocent eyes, like a confused child. "You helped me?"

The villain shrugged before standing, forcing Barry to let go of his shirt and the speedster almost whined at the loss but stopped himself. "Don't think too much on it, Scarlet. I just didn't want anyone seeing the Flash outside my safe house." He looked down at the kid and frowned. "Come on, I'll give you a ride back to your place, you sure as hell can't stay here." Mick shot his partner a confused and angry look but Snart flipped him off and helped Barry stand on shaky legs, leading him outside to the thief's motorcycle. "Keep the Parka on, it'll hide some of the red. Don't need the news thinkin' I kidnapped you or somethin'."

Barry nodded, pulling the parka closer to himself as he mounted the bike, arms awkwardly circling Snart's as the rogue started it up. He leaned his forehead against the man's shoulder and took deep breaths. The muscles under Snart's shirt rippled and shifted as he steered and Barry tried to memorize the sensation.

Why had Snart of all people helped him? Sure they weren't arch enemies, but they sure as hell weren't friends, even if Barry did try to convince him that he could be a good person. Either way, the man was a comfort, he managed to help Barry pull himself out of that attack.

"Don't tell anyone," Barry mumbled, just barely loud enough to be heard over the wind. "Please."

Snart grunted. He had assumed the hero hadn't told anyone of the attacks. Knowing the guy who was supposed to save the city could barely save himself probably wasn't good for business. When they pulled up in front of the West house and Allen slid off the bike, Snart held out his hand. "Gimme your phone." Barry raised an eyebrow and the thief rolled his eyes. "Your phone, Allen." When the hero handed it over, Snart quickly put his number in under 'Len' and tossed it back to the kid. "That's only for emergencies, got it? Call me if you have another... attack that you can't get yourself out of." He didn't wait for the Speedster to reply, only hopped on his bike and sped away.

He wasn't sure why he did it, why he gave the damn hero his actual phone number. Or why he left him standing in the middle of the street, still wearing his parka. He wasn't a good guy. He didn't like helping people, but the speedster was different. That terrified look in the kid's eyes shot through him like lightning- pun totally intended. He was reminded of himself when he was younger, the attacks that surged through him everytime he heard his sister scream or his father yell.

So what if he wanted to help the kid? So what if he liked the feel of Barry's hand on his chest? He sure as hell wasn't going to let it get in his way.


	2. Stay Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry has a nightmare and visits Len in the middle of the night to stop a panic attack before it starts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter! It's kind of short but I'm at work writing it so here it is :)

The first time Barry called him was a week later in the middle of the night. Len and Mick were dozing off on the couch, Prison Break running on netflix on the stolen tv. The vibrations barely woke him as he pulled the phone out, holding it up to his ear before even checking who it was. "'ello?"

"S-Snart?"

The villain was awake in an an instant, sitting up so quickly he jostled the pyro beside him, though to his luck Mick didn't wake. "Scarlet?" He could hear the shaking of his voice and he was up and pulling a shirt on as he waited for an answer. "Hey, answer me Scarlet, focus on my voice. Where are you?"

"C-can I come in?" The question made the rogue pause and he glanced at the door of their safe house, the same one Barry had seen the last week. (They hadn't gotten a chance to move yet, or a reason to really.) Snart didn't put the phone down until he pulled open the door and saw Barry standing there, shivering in his Parka wearing nothing but a pair of flannel pajama pants, his feet bare. His hands were shaking as Snart grabbed him and pulled him inside, quickly making sure that no one had seen the kid. "S-s-sorry... didn't m-mean to wake you."

Snart could tell that the panic attack hadn't fully set in yet, that Barry was still aware of his actions as he stood awkwardly in the makeshift living room. Mick was still sleeping on the couch, so Snart led him to the bedroom once more and sat him down. "No problem, Scarlet. 'S why I gave you my number."

Truth be told, he was exhausted. Between worrying about the speedster and the three heists they'd pulled this week alone, he hadn't gotten much sleep, but he wasn't mad at the kid. He pulled the covers back from the large bed and began tugging at the Parka, only stopping when Barry's hands gripped his, his eyes wide but not looking at him. "C-can I keep it on?"

Chuckling, the rogue nodded, laying down on one side of the bed, on top of the covers, while Barry curled under them. He didn't protest when the speedster curled up against his side and nuzzled his face in his neck. Not that Snart minded, but having his enemy snuggling up to him was a bit strange to say the least. The man was shivering, but not vibrating, not yet. Snart took Barry's hand and moved it to lay flat in the center of his chest. "Breathe with me, Scarlet. In and out, nice and even." Barry tried his best to follow the instructions. The attack hadn't him him fully yet and he was able to focus on Snart's words as he closed his eyes, focusing on the sound of breathing and his heartbeat. "There you go. Just keep breathin'." Snart took a deep breath, one hand on Barry's back as he felt the other man follow suit. When it seemed like he was calmed down enough, Snart spoke. "Mind if I ask what starts them?"

Barry tensed, but he didn't shake so that was a good sign. "I-I accidentally traveled into the future and saw my foster sister get killed. It happens only a few months from now and I'm not fast enough to save her," he mumbled quietly. Snart looked down, but couldn't see the speedster's face as he had the parka hood pulled up over his head. "Most of the time they're just random, when I get stressed or I remember that I only have a few months to figure something out... but lately I've been having nightmares, bad ones about people... people who died because of me in the past. Mistakes I've made. They get pretty bad then, when I remember the faces of everyone..."

Snart didn't say anything and Barry was grateful. "Can I ask you a question now?" The rogue grunted, the silence having lulled him nearly to sleep before the speedster spoke. "Why are you helping me? Not that I don't appreciate it, but..."

He shrugged under Barry. "'M sister used to get 'em," he said, "and I did too. Back when we were younger. Dad was a shit. We helped each other through it, it helped to have someone there to stop them. To focus on."

Barry nodded, relaxing slightly as he dug his face further into Snart's neck. "Thanks," he mumbled, barely heard, but Snart was asleep anyway and Barry wasn't too far from it himself.

He had no more nightmares that night.

When he wakes up, Snart and Mick are no where to be found but there's a t-shirt and a note on the bedside table.

Put a shirt on kid before you freeze. There's food in the fridge and Joe keeps calling you. Stay breathing - Len

Barry smiled at the note and pulled the shirt on over his head, then the parka again. He'd tried many times to tell Snart that he wasn't such a bad guy, much to the rogue's dismay. This only proved it further. He checked his phone and saw four missed calls from Joe, a call from Iris and a few messages from Wally. He sent them all a quick text saying that he was fine, he just went for a run and didn't feel his phone go off, then he shot Snart a text.

{Thanks for the shirt, sorry if I ruined your night - Red}

{No problem, kid. Stop apologizing already. Get some food, you didn't eat last night and you have a long day of heists to stop ;) - Ice}

Barry didn't bother analyzing the text as he snuck into the kitchen area of the safe house, though he knew no one was around. He made himself some cold pizza before looking at his watch. "Shit, I'm going to be late."

{Do you have a spare key? Or should I leave the door unlocked? - Red}

{Key is in the coffee table - Ice}

Barry locked up quickly and rushed home to change, reluctantly hanging the Parka up in his closet. If Joe saw him in it, he'd freak, before rushing off to the precinct.


	3. Blinded From You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry runs into a new meta and gets whammied. Len is furious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry it took me a little while to get this next chapter up, I was having trouble uploading it. But I got it figured out! It's a little rough but here you go :)

Barry ended up spending more nights than not at the Rory-Snart residence, usually sneaking in long past dark when Mick was out or sleep. (Though they did have a long conversation about his identity when Mick had found out.) Snart never complained - except to tell Barry to call him Len- and Barry never told him that he kept the nightmares away before they came.

Barry went a good month without having another panic attack. He still had a few small ones here and there, but never ones that he couldn't pull himself out of.

All good? - Ice

The speedster smiled down at the next, glancing around quickly to make sure Julian wasn't watching. Even though they were sort of friends now, he'd still gripe about Barry talking to someone during work hours.

Yeah I'm good. How's Mick? I hit him pretty hard yesterday. - Red

Pissed. Says you owe him a beer when you come over next. - Ice

Barry chuckled, remembering the night before where he stopped one of the rogue's heists. It'd actually been a lot of fun and Barry was finally feeling like his old self again. Despite the dangerous future looming before them, he got a sense of normality back with his good old fashioned superheroing.

Well tell him next time maybe he shouldn't rob a bank. What's his favorite beer? I'll pick some up. - Red

Nasty stuff from Star City, long run. - Ice

He opened up the image Len sent him and smirked at the familiar bottle. It was the only stuff that Oliver would drink and was fairly expensive. Leave it to Mick to choose expensive beer to drink. (He could practically hear the pyro in his head now, "Only the best for my liver")

I have some free time. - Red

Eat something first. - Ice

Aw, you care ; ) - Red

"Hey Julian, do you need me the rest of the day?" He looked up at the brit who sat across from him. "I need to go pick some stuff up from Star City and it's a long run."

Julian looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Flash business?" Barry shrugged and he sighed. "Sure, I suppose I don't need you here. I've got everything I need finished and if you'll have your report done by tomorrow, I don't see the harm."

"Thanks!" Ever since Julian had joined up with Team Flash, he'd been a lot more lenient on what Barry could get away with at the CCPD and the speedster was grateful for it. He packed up his things at normal speed, said a quick goodbye to Julian and Joe and sped his way towards Star City, grabbing a burrito on his way. It was maybe a ten minute run, but Barry took a deep breath and enjoyed it. The air siphoning around him, the silence that came with his speed. It was calming and it quelled the speed force that seemed to always be charging inside him.

Cisco called Barry over the coms on his way back, nearly causing the speedster to trip in surprise. "Hey Barry, what are you doing coming back from Star City? Did Oliver call us?"

"Hey! Sorry, I forgot to tell you guys. I was picking something up for a friend, we don't have any in Central. I should be back in a few minutes. Anything happen while I was gone?

"Aw, Barry you shouldn't have. Nothing's happened no. What'd you get me?"

"You guys know I have other friends right?" but he laughed anyway. "I'll be hanging out with them tonight, but you can call me if you-" Barry gasped as something stepped into his field of view and he just barely managed to sidestep the body, sputtering to a stop and flailing his arms out to regain his balance. The young man looked back at him with wide eyes. "Hey, sorry about that! I didn't see-" The man held out his hand, the smirk on his lips causing Barry to stop. There was a dangerous look in his eyes and Barry's chest constricted for a moment- fear ricocheting through him. The man's hand began to glow and spark, but Barry couldn't move to get away. "W-what... Cisco- I can't move."

The comm cut out for a second before his friend's voice cut through. "What? Barry? Barry where are you? What's going on?"

The meta smirked at him and took a slow step forward. "Flash, so glad I could catch you. Listen, I don't have any problems with you, but I kind of need you out of the way for a few days, soo-" he shrugged and took a step closer, until his nose was practically brushing Barry's under the mask. Blue eyes stared into green and Barry tried to pull away but the man just laughed. "Oh you have pretty eyes, Flash. I'll remember those. And you, take a good long look, because you won't be seeing me again, or anything for that matter." The meta leaned away just far enough that he could pass his glowing hand between them. "See you later, Flash."

When the meta disappeared, Barry gasped, his knees buckling and chest pounding. The light around him was dimming, his vision zeroing in, but it was different this time. Though he could feel the beginnings of a panic attack coming, the darkness in his vision was different, darker and less foggy.  _Or anything for that matter,_ the meta had said. Panic sat low in his stomach as he stood up, eyes searching around him quickly. "Cisco, I'm heading back to Star Labs. Call Caitlyn, I think I'll need her." Before the other could reply, Barry was shooting himself across the city, as fast as he could possibly go, his vision a small hole in the distance now.

After a few seconds, and Barry relying a lot on his muscle memory, his vision was gone and he was slamming  _hard_ into something in front of him.

"Barry!"


	4. Blinded by You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry finds himself whammied and has one of the worst panic attacks yet. Len comes to his rescue so to speak and shows how much he actually cares for the speedster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter guys! It's a little longer than the other, but here you go!

"Barry? Barry are you okay?"

Barry frowned, sighing quietly as Caitlin grabbed his hands and checked him over. "I'm okay, I'm okay..." He breathed, taking a moment to sit up before opening his eyes, but he saw only darkness. "Caitlin? Why are the lights off?" There was a long silence and her hands tightened on his wrists. "Caitlin?"

There was another pause before she answered. "Barry, the lights aren't off." There was a moment when Caitlin's hands disappeared and Barry could hear Cisco questioning her, but his voice seemed far away. Barry's hands started shaking in his lap as he glanced frantically around the darkness, desperately trying to find something he could see. His chest constricted and he swallowed, closing his eyes to try and calm himself. A heat came up to his side and he felt cool hands on his face, causing him to real back and his breathing to grow heavier. "It's okay, Barry, it's just me, it's just me. I need to look at your eyes." Her voice was soft, but foggy and Barry struggled to focus on her words.

Instead he shoved himself back, away from searching hands and disembodied voices until his back hit something solid, a wall? He couldn't think, couldn't breathe and he could feel tears flooding his sightless eyes. 

_Blind... he was blind. How could he let himself become blind? How could he let this happen? How could he be the flash, how could he save people if he couldn't SEE?_

With the last bit of his sanity, he reached into his pocket and drew out his phone. "L-Len... call, call Len..." He felt the flat screen, silently cursing modern technology to find he couldn't dial the number without seeing it. "P-please... you have to call..." His hand shook so hard that he dropped the phone and he almost whined.

Caitlin stared at her friend huddled in the corner, her heart breaking for him. She'd never seen the speedster like this before and it worried her. "Okay, okay I'll call Len. If I do, will you let me check your eyes?" Barry only shook, curling in on himself and bringing his knees up against his chest. His  eyes were wide, frantically searching for something but never landing on anything for longer than a second. His normally bright green eyes were pale and strained. The doctor leaned down and picked up the phone, searching the contacts quickly for someone named Len. She'd never heard Barry talk about a friend named Len, but if this person could help calm him down, she'd try. She found the name easily ( Barry didn't have a lot of contacts) and dialed the number, motioning for Cisco to stay back. 

Her heart stopped for a moment as a cool voice sounded over the phone, echoed by a soft whirring.

"I'm a little busy, Scarlet."

" _Snart?_ " Caitlin gasped, shooting a confused look at an equally surprised Cisco who mouthed at her-  _What the fuck?_

"Snow?" She could hear the shock in his cool voice and the sudden stop of a whirling in the background. "Where is Allen? Why do you have his phone?" Caitlin sputtered, not knowing what to say. There was a growl on the other end. "Snow, what's going on? Are you with Barry? Are you at Star Labs?"

When she finally found her voice, she stuttered a bit. "I-I'm not sure why you're answering. I was calling a Len? Oh shit, Len... Leonard..." She stared down at Barry who was staring in her direction but not at her. "B-Barry is having a panic attack. He asked me to call you."

"Give him the phone, let me talk to him," Snart replied and she heard the loud rumble of a motorcycle on the other end.

"Why? What do you think you can do?"

"Give him the phone, Caitlin."

At the use of her first name, the doctor startled and with a moment of hesitation, stepped up to Barry. When he didn't immediately let her touch him, she pressed the speaker phone and placed it on the floor before him. "Barry? Len is here on the phone, he's on speaker so you can hear him, okay?"

Barry whined, shrinking back again at the sound of her voice and she could see his body start to blur with vibrations. "Scarlet, listen to me. Can you hear me?"

The speedster could feel the panic in his bones, even with the smooth voice cutting through the darkness. He felt like he was floating in a pool of dark and thick water, suffocating him. He couldn't breathe, couldn't draw air into his lungs. He ripped the mask off his face, hoping the loss of the constricting leather would help but it didn't. Even though he couldn't see it, the world tipped and spun underneath him. He needed Len, needed the warmth, the familiar scent of pine. He could hear the clear gruff of the man's voice slicing through the panic, but it wasn't enough. The leather wasn't as comforting as the parka and the wall was cold behind him.

"Scarlet! Listen to me, I'm on my way to the labs, I'm only a minute away. Can you hear me? Talk to me, Scarlet."

"I-I can't-" Barry gasped, the words clawing from his throat and almost dying on his lips. "Can't breathe, Len..."

There was a loud screech coming from the phone, the sound of cars honking and metal crashing into metal. Snart cursed but tried to keep his voice calm. "You can breathe, Barry. Deep breaths. In... out... in... out... Breathe, Scarlet."

He tried, he really did but his breath wouldn't come, his chest heaved and he ducked his head between his knees, hands gripping his temples. Caitlin worried that maybe he'd hurt himself, his nails digging into his scalp. A few moments later there was a loud crash down the hall and the temperature in the whole building dropped a few degrees. Cisco ran to the computers and pulled up the security cameras, groaning. "Snart's here and he totally broke our elevator."

As he spoke, the man in question stomped into the room, cold gun sliding into his holster. He paused at the entrance of the cortex just long enough to take in the scene. He was dressed normally, a new parka surrounding his body and his eyes the only sign that his emotions weren't necessarily in check. "What the hell happened? What did you do?" He shoved past the two scientists and knelt down to Barry, slowly pulling the Parka off. "Barry, I'm here. I'm going to put the parka on you okay?" He waited for some sign of the speedster's refusal and when he got none, he put it around the younger man's shoulders. Barry tensed under his hands but his vibrating body seemed to slow a little bit as the pine scented warmth engulfed him.  Barry's hands shot out quickly, reaching until they found Len's chest and he rocketed forward, wrapping his arms around Len's waist and digging his face into the man's neck, practically sprawled out in his lap. "Uh, alright, sure," Len grumbled. Normally he didn't like physical contact, especially in front of company, he was tense and wary with Team Flash staring at him with mixed expressions of anger and shock, but Barry's hands gripped at the back of his shirt and he gulped in big breaths. His body still vibrated and Len wrapped his own arms around the smaller man, sighing. "Breathe, kid. In and Out. Listen to my breathing, remember?"

Len took slow and even breaths, forcing himself to forget about the others in the room and only the man in his lap.

Barry tried to focus on Len. He could feel the muscles under his hands, rippling as he took deep breaths and rubbed Barry's back. He could feel the steady heartbeat under his skin, thumping against Barry's cheek as he pressed his face harder into the rogue's neck. Len smelt like water today, clean and fresh, but Barry could still smell that Pine, like a forest in a rainstorm. The deep rumble of thunder in Len's chest felt familiar as he talked, hand always rubbing his back.

The speedster forced himself to breath with Len, though it was more like gasping for air, like he was drowning and could barely make it to the surface to draw in as much air as he could.

"C-can't..."

"Yeah you can. Breathe, Barry." Len reached around and grabbed one of Barry's hands, practically prying it from his shirt and bringing it around to his front. He placed the speedster's still shaking hand flat on his chest and held it there. Barry tried to grip his shirt, but he forced him to keep his hand flat. "Feel me, Barry. I'm solid, I'm here. Focus on me, on my breathing, can you do that?"

Caitlin and Cisco were both shocked and speechless as Barry slowly began to stop vibrating, though his muscles still shook, but more like a normal person's. He was hidden mostly under the parka still, but they could see his back rising in time with Snart's.

"Better?" the rogue asked, once again becoming aware of the audience they both had.

Barry nodded, but didn't let go. "I-I can't see, Len." At first the older man wondered if it was still an effect of the anxiety attack, but when Barry raised his pale green eyes up to look at him, they were unfocused and unseeing. "I can't see."

Len swallowed. "Well let's get the good Doctor to look at you, okay? Here stand up, I'll help you." He stood slowly, pulling Barry up with him on shaky legs. The speedster stumbled a few times, one hand gripping Len in a steel grip, the other reaching out desperately to make sure he didn't run into anything. Len sat Barry on the bed but as he moved to step back, Barry gripped at his shirt again, pulling him so he was standing between Barry's knees and the speedster's forehead was resting on his stomach. "Okay, I'll stay, but if the Doc is going to look at your eyes, you can't be like that." He moved to the side, keeping Barry's hand in his and stood behind the table, letting Barry lean his back against his chest.

Barry pulled the Parka closer, trying to memorize the familiar scent, memorize the gentle thud of heartbeat behind him, memorize the low rumble of the man's voice as he spoke. 

Caitlin stepped up behind Barry and raised a small flashlight up to his eyes, when he didn't react, she sighed. "Barry I'm going to take some blood from you, okay? Hopefully your advanced healing will get rid of this, but if not, I'll try and find something in your blood. Something to reverse this temporary blindness." She looked up at the rogue and frowned, a million thoughts running through her head. "Barry, are you okay for now? Do you mind if I talk to Sn-Len for a moment outside?" Barry tensed, fingers gripping the Parka, but after a long moment, he nodded to her. Snart whispered something to the man before following Snow out into the main cortex where Cisco was waiting. "Mind telling us what this is between you two?"

"Yeah man, what the hell?"

Snart shrugged, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. Inside he was freaking out, unsure of the answer to the question. His own chest had ached with panic when the doctor had called, claiming Barry was having another attack. He knew it was a bad one since the kid didn't call him himself. Such intense worry for the kid... well it worried Len. "Kid has panic attacks," he answered as if it were obvious. "I'm surprised none of you knew considering you practically live together in these labs." He wished briefly that they'd stop staring at him like that, like he was a criminal worth nothing more than a jail cell with his name on it. He was used to those looks, but still, it made him insecure and angry. "He gets them rather frequently. Calls me whenever he does, I help him calm down."

"How long has this been going on?" Caitlin asked.

"Bout a month or so."

They stared at him with wide eyes and Cisco had to snap his mouth shut from where it fell to the floor. Caitlin cleared her throat and ran a hand through her hair. "Okay, well... as you can see, Barry is not really... able to care for himself right now. With him being blind, it's going to be extremely difficult for him to get around on his own. We'll have to tell Joe, have him explain to the CCPD why Barry won't be coming in for a while and Wally will have to take over as the Flash while he's out of commission. But... Barry is very unstable right now. If what you're saying is true, he may be having a lot more panic attacks than normal with his condition." Her eyes drifted to the speedster who was in the other room, his fingers kneeding at the parka fabric. "I hate to say this, but we're going to need your help, Cold."

Snart raised an eyebrow at her, surprised himself at the words coming out of her mouth. "You want me to babysit the Speedster?"

Cisco gapped. "Yeah Caity, what?"

She shrugged. "As much as I don't want to say it, yes. You obviously calm him down after his attacks and he seems comfortable with you. I also know you care for him at least somewhat if you've let this go on for a month now, so I know you'll keep him safe while he's like this, or at least until we can find some way to reverse it. Think of it as a favor, we'll owe you one, if needed."

Len took a moment to think about the offer. In truth, he had decided long before she had asked that he'd take care of the kid. Once he told him he was blind, Len was mapping out plans and schedules on how to make his safe house- or Barry's apartment- safer for a blind person. But for the sake of his reputation, he drew it out, tapping his finger on his chin for a moment as he glared at the doctor. "Fine, I'll do it," he drawled, "but you owe me one, Doc."

She nodded. "Great, here," she ripped out a piece of paper and wrote some stuff on it before handing it to him. "Here is my number and Cisco's number if you need anything. I want you to keep me updated constantly on his progress or any attacks he has. I want him to come in every day or at least every other day for another check up. I wouldn't leave him alone until he's able to get his bearings enough to move around by himself." She pointed at the paper again. "This is Joe's number, but I wouldn't contact him unless it's an emergency, we'll probably just tell him Barry is staying at a friend's house and not yours. Oh," Caitlin rushed out of the room and back in a few minutes later with a little bottle in her hands. "I'm not sure if these will even work for him, but if he needs them, these are some mild sedatives to calm him down and help him sleep. You seem to be good at doing that anyway, but just in case." She paused to glare at him, her gaze frosty and there was a hidden warning in the look. "You take care of him, Leonard Snart, or I will kill you. Do you understand?"

He believed her.


	5. Sharpened Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len takes Barry to his apartment. (His REAL apartment, not a safe house) and helps him get acquainted with the surroundings. They decide to put on a show and Len muses about what he's feeling. (Yuck, feelings.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gotten amazing notes and kudos from this story, so here's the next chapter!

"All good, Scarlet?" Len asked, closing and locking the door to the apartment behind him. Barry had long ago changed into some Star Labs sweats and a t-shirt, his suit stuffed in a bag that Len had strapped over his shoulder. They had gone to Barry's before coming here to grab some of his needed items. ("I don't think you NEED the entire Lord of the Rings series on DVD, Barry." "Of course I do! Just because I can't see it doesn't mean it isn't a masterpiece.")

Barry turned toward him, but his eyes were unfocused. "Yeah I'm okay. As much as I could be anyway. Where are we? I don't remember any of your safe houses having stairs," he said.

Ignoring the question, Len took Barry's hand and put it against the wall to his left. His apartment led into a small hallway that eventually opened up to a living room. "The wall goes on for about three feet before opening up." He let Barry explore, very slowly, with watching eyes to make sure he didn't fall over anything. Luckily, as Lisa always teased him about when she came over, his apartment was always immaculate. Len hated clutter and hated mess, so he kept everything exactly where it was supposed to be. He spouted off objects as Barry touched them, and he could see the concentration in the speedster's eyes as he tried to memorize where and what everything was. They explored the kitchen next and Len took Barry's hand again to place them on different drawers and cabinets while explaining what was in them. "Don't mess with the stove if I'm not here, okay? It's finicky and I can barely get it working on good days. Don't want you burning anything down. Just stick with the microwave."

Barry nodded, a frown on his lips and his eyes staring at the floor. He looked exhausted and Len felt his heart tug at the look. He wouldn't admit to the speedster, but he'd had feelings for him for quite a while. Having him look so dejected and tired made the rogue want to soothe those lines in his forehead with his fingers, to kiss the frown off his lips, and to rub the tension out of his muscles. His fingers itched to dance across the other man's pale skin, but he held back, schooling his features though he knew Barry couldn't see them anyway. It was mostly for his own benefit.

"Why don't I put in one of your movies for you and order some pizzas?"

Excitement lit up Barry's face and Len held back a chuckle, leading Barry to the couch. After much debate, Len put in the DVD for a show called Firefly and left to order some pizza. ("You already picked out the movies! You don't need a tv show too!" "Len, Firefly is no tv show, it's life! I watch it at least once a week!") After ordering five pizzas and deftly avoided the woman's joke about a party on the other line, he sent Caitlyn a quick text to let her know all was good so far, and made his way back to the living room.

Barry was sitting on the couch right where Len had left him, his fingers fiddling with the phone in his hands. He wasn't using it, he couldn't without his eyes, but he seemed to take comfort in flipping it back and forth in his hands, feeling each crack and crevice. His pale eyes were looking towards the tv and though he already knew how expressive the man could be, he was still surprised at how many emotions flitted across his face. Where Len would laugh with his lips, a small smirk and chuckle, and Mick would laugh with his chest, loud and booming, Barry laughed with his whole body. His face lit up, teeth shining and bright, his shoulders would lift and fall with each breath and his arms would wrap around himself the harder he laughed. In sad scenes, his eyebrows would draw together and up, and his lips would quiver slightly, his fingers gripping tight at the phone in his hands. His shoulders would sag and he would give the screen a puppy look that would turn Len to goo if it were directed at him. He watched with amusement as Barry's mouth moved along with certain lines of the show.

"I don't believe there's a power in the 'verse can stop Kaylee from being cheerful," Barry said along with the man on the screen. He couldn't help but smile at the line, his eyes watching Barry with such an intesity he was surprised the speedster hadn't noticed yet. He knew the speedster had been through shit, especially recently. He'd seen the other speedsters and what they'd done to Barry. He'd seen how torn up the kid was inside because of all the decisions he'd made, all the people who had died because of it. Yet still he sat there, a smile on his face as he watched a tv show about space pirates. It warmed his frozen heart.

Len sniffed loudly enough for Barry to hear him before walking into the room. He made a mental note to make sure to let Barry know when he entered a room, didn't want to frighten the kid. "Pizza's ordered. Should be here in twenty minutes."

That bright smile was turned on him and Len's breath caught in his throat. "Great! I'm starving! Caitlyn and Cisco only let me have bricks in the Lab. They're filling, but nasty." Barry scrunched up his face in distaste and patted the seat beside him. "Sit, this is my favorite show. Have you seen it?"

Though his mind told him not to, Len took a seat next to Barry, a little to close and let the Speedster lean on him slightly. His warmth was welcome and intoxicating. Len took a deep breath and found that the kid smelled like lightning, like a match just after use, mixed with coffee. Len's fists clenched in his lap and he let himself close his eyes for a moment to bring himself back together. "I've seen bits and pieces," he answered cooly. "Lisa has been watching it, something about Cisco always talking about it. She wanted to know what all the fuss was about."

"Does she like it?" Barry asked, genuinly interested.

Len shrugged, raising his arm to lay on the back of the couch, and behind Barry's head. It was just a comfortable position, he told himself. "She likes it enough. But she made the mistake of watching the movie first." Barry flinched beside him and shook his head. "I take it that's not good?"

"No! They ended up cancelling the show before it was even finished, but Joss managed to convince them to let him at least close it off, so he made the movie. It's the ultimate ending to an amazing show, but it's not something you want to watch first. There's so many spoilers." Len chuckled and Barry looked in his direction. "What?"'

"Never pictured you as a cinephile, Scarlet."

Barry's bottom lip jutted out in a pout and Len forced himself to look away. "We used to have weekly movie nights at the West house. It has now migrated to all day marathons once a month at star labs. Movies are my jam!" Barry laughed softly but shrugged a bit. "Musicals are my favorite, as weird as it sounds." His cheeks were dusted pink when Len looked down at him. He was slightly surprised at the confession, but he really shouldn't be. The kid was a romantic, of course he'd like musicals. "My mom used to watch Singing in the Rain with me when I was a kid. It's my favorite movie." Those pale eyes turned sad again and Len wanted desperately to bring that smile back to his face.

"Lisa's favorite was Phantom of the Opera," Len mumbled, his eyes turning back to the screen. He could feel Barry looking at him as he spoke. "Local library was showing it one day when we were younger and she begged me to go. I ended up sneaking her out of the house to go watch it. My dad was furious, but Lisa couldn't stop smiling. It was worth it." Len couldn't help but smile at the memory. "I even stole her a CD player and the soundtrack to the movie so she could learn the songs. For weeks she forced me to sing the part of the Phantom whenever she listened. It was totally embarrassing." 

"I think it's cute," Barry smiled. "Iris and I used to sing the Agony song from the original Into the Woods when we were teenagers, we even did it for a talent show at school once. You should have seen Joe's face. He was so proud. I think he recorded it too, he probably still has it. I think he cried a little."

"Remind me to blackmail the cop into getting that from him." The rogue laughed, truly laughed, when Barry smacked his shoulder, nose scrunched up in mock betrayal.

The doorbell rang ten minutes later and Len stood to get it. He tossed the boxes on to the table and took his seat again, watching Barry reach out blindly before pulling an entire box towards himself. Watching the speedster shove bites of pepperoni into his mouth, something stabbed in Len's chest. This was so... domestic. It was strange having someone other than Lisa in his home, his actual home. They weren't in a safe house, or a random apartment Len had chosen. He'd brought Barry to his actual home. The only place with personal items, even if it wasn't a lot, even if it was just a few pictures of him and Lisa, even one or two of Mick, some art work on the fridge that Lisa had drawn as a kid. He even had a beautiful golden statue of a woman sitting on his desk- Lisa's first heist. Though he didn't necessarily like that his sister had been forced into this line of work, he'd been so proud of her that day. Staring at Barry now, Len felt like he should feel uncomfortable with the man in his personal space, in his sacred space. Mick was barely even allowed over at his home, and none of the other rogues even knew it existed. But he wasn't uncomfortable at all, quite the opposite actually. He felt calm and warm with the speedster beside him.

_Too bad it's not for the reason I want..._ He knew the speedster could never feel the same way as him. Sure, he was his safety blanket when he felt vulnerable, but he couldn't have  _feelings_ for the rogue.

"Len?" The rogue hummed, blinking out of his thoughts to see Barry looking up at him with confusion. "I asked if you had anything to drink?"

"Oh, yeah... I don't drink pop. I've got beer, water and milk."

"Water is fine," Barry smiled, too sweetly. Len wanted to wipe that smile off his face, but not with his lips anymore. He wanted desperately to yell at the kid, to demand why he could smile like that at a man who had kidnapped his friends, who'd tried to kill him so many times. How could he sit comfortably in his home,  _blind_ and vulnerable to attack, from a villain like him? Instead, he stood and went to the kitchen. He leaned his hands on the counter and lowered his head, drawing deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself. His fists clenched and he closed his eyes tight.  _Why do you trust me, Barry Allen?_ He wanted to scream. He wanted to punch something.  _Why do you sit there like I couldn't ice you right now? What makes you think you're safe?_  Len mused for a few seconds that it was Captain Cold talking, not Len, that Barry trusted  _Len_ , not Cold. But he  _was_ Cold. His father had made him into this terrible person who couldn't be trusted. He'd turned on Mick before, his best friend, his partner. He killed his own father, for gods sake. He couldn't be trusted. Lisa was the only one safe from his betrayal, and even then he couldn't promise he wouldn't betray her for her own protection. He'd done it once before. Before he knew what he was doing, Len had the water glass in his hand and was launching it across the small room. It shattered against the wall and a small bit of comfort came with the sight of something broken. It quickly turned dark however at the thought of that something being Barry.

"Len?"

The rogue's eyes shot up to see Barry stumbling into the kitchen, his hands reaching out and feeling along the wall. "Don't move," Len growled, though he made no move to stop the speedster. When Barry took another step forward, Len sighed. "I said don't move, you idiot." He spat the words out, but it was too late, Barry winced as his foot met with a sharp piece of glass that glistened in the bright light of the kitchen. "I told you not to move. Let me sweep this up really quick and I'll get that out." His voice was softer now, but he made quick work of sweeping up the glass and throwing it in the trash. Without asking permission, Len grabbed Barry by the waist and hoisted him up on the counter. The speedster squawked in surprise, his hands quickly finding Len's shoulders. "This is going to hurt," he mumbled before ripping the shard out. He took a damp paper towel and wiped the blood off the bottom of the man's foot, watching with shocked amusement as the skin quickly stitched itself back together. "Well that's handy."

As he stood again, Barry took the front of Len's shirt in his hands, pulling him closer so he was standing between his open legs. With Barry sitting on the counter, he was much taller than Len and the rogue had to look up into Barry's confused eyes. "What's wrong?"

Len tried to pull away but Barry held tight. "Nothing, I just dropped the glass."

Barry snorted. "Right, like I'd believe that. Come on, Len. Talk to me, what's wrong?" When he didn't answer, Barry frowned, his fingers loosening on Len's shirt before dropping to his own knees. Len almost whined at the loss of touch but restrained himself. "Is it because I'm here? I know you help me during my attacks, but this is a lot more responsibility than you signed up for," Barry whispered. "I can call Caitlyn. I'm sure Joe will let me move back in with him for a little bit. I know that house like the back of my hands."

Len sighed and shook his head. "No. Not only would Joe kill me if he caught me sneaking in through your window to calm you during an attack, but... it's not what you think."

"Then what is it? You've been acting weird all day."

Biting his lip, Len contemplated whether he should tell Barry. On one hand, he could have the same feelings. On the other, he could hate him and want to leave. If the second, what really could be the harm? He'd have his home back to himself, he'd go back to being the cold and quiet villain, he'd go back to what he  _knows._ He doesn't know this. He doesn't know how to deal with feelings. Lisa barely saw him showing any sort of emotions and she grew up with him. Anger and calm were the only two emotions he knew like old friends. He didn't know the feeling blooming in his chest. It was unfamiliar and uncertain. Swallowing, Len took Barry's hands in his. "I'm going to do something stupid, alright?"

Barry's eyebrows drew together and his mouth opened to respond, but Len cut him off, pressing his lips soft to the other man's.


	6. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Len discuss their feelings. WARNING, this chapter contains mentions of child abuse and trauma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small note: I totally didn't edit this b/c I wanted to get it up before I moved, so if there are any mistakes, please forgive me! My keyboard was totally glitching out and I only glanced over it briefly before posting. 
> 
> Another note: I AM SO DONE! Not really, but I typed this whole chapter and it was amazing and so well written compared to other chapters nad my computer shut off and I lost it all! So I had to retype it. ugh. Anyway here it is :) Hope its as good as the first version.

Kissing Barry was like a crisp winter morning with the sunset shining through the window. His lips were warm against Len's and his eyes fluttered shut, eyelashes like butterflies on pale cheeks. It wasn't a hard kiss, but gentle, both of them still not sure what exactly what happening, but they moved together as if their lips were two parts of one whole. Barry raised his hands slowly, unsure, and put them on either side of Len's head, kneading at the short cut grey hair. Len's hands were on Barry's hips, tight and clenching but not enough to bruise, just enough to make sure Barry stayed where he was and didn't run away. Barry was the first to pull away after what seemed like an hour, his eyes hazy, though still unseeing. He kept his hands on Len's face and his lips just a breath away from Len's, as if he were breathing life into Len.

And maybe he was, Len mused. He was breathing a new life into him.

Len swallowed, fingers clenching again at the heat that surged through him with the innocent and awe-struck look Barry was giving him. "Like I said," he muttered as they tried to catch their breath, "stupid."

A soft chuckle came from the speedster, his fingers brushing over short hair with care. Len realized he wanted to hear that laugh more often. It danced across the air like a hummingbird's wings, light and airy. "Stupid? Yes. Unwelcome? No." Len drew back at that, his eyes wide as he stared at the speedster. How was he okay with this? How could he sit there with that stupid smile on his face, staring lovingly at a man he couldn't see, at a man who had betrayed him so many times. Len was silent for a long time, his fingers clenching and un-clenching on Barry's hips as he tried to figure out what to say. "Len? What's wrong?"

"I don't know how to do this," he admitted, glad that the speedster couldn't see the blush that dusted his cheeks. He kept his voice cool, though it was barely over a whisper. He wasn't used to soft kisses and softer fingers, he wasn't used to hushed whispers and sweet laughs. Len normally kissed hard and rough, it was a clash of teeth and tongues, desperate for contact and dominance. He was used to slamming his partner against walls and taking them hard and unforgiving. He made loud noises and left when he was done. This was new to him, unfamiliar and he felt uncomfortable in the intensity of Barry's stare.

"Well," Barry said slowly, tilting his head to the side a bit. "I guess that all depends on what you want  _this_ to be." Barry could feel the rogue's face twitch and could imagine the intense thinking face he was pulling, eyes narrowed, brows drawn down, lips set in a thin line. He chuckled again before leaning in, his lips just barely brushing over Len's. "It's going to be hard," he said slowly, eyes still happy but his words serious, "this relationship I mean. We need to be aware of that going in. We live very different lives and that's going to cause problems. You're going to get mad at me for stopping your heists, I'm going to get mad at you for doing them, it's inevitable. We'll have some things to work out if you want this." There was another beat of silence before he continued, his hands dropping to rub circles on Len's neck. "I don't do flings, Len. I do dates and phone calls, I do holding hands and family dinners, I do movie nights with friends and showing off my lover. I'm not the secretive type. I don't mind keeping it a secret as we figure out what we're doing, but I don't hide when I love someone."

A knot formed in Len's throat and he found it was hard to swallow around it. He raised a hand up, resting it against Barry's cheek and the kid leaned into it gently, a patient smile on his lips as Len tried to wrap his brain around the situation. "I just don't understand," he said. "I don't understand how you can feel like this towards me. I'm a bad guy, Barry. I can't promise I wont betray you. I can promise that I'll try not to, but I can't say I won't. I don't know what the future holds or what kind of situations we'll get into. But... I want to try this... if you do." Barry's blind eyes lit up and he let out a low chuckle in his chest.  _You shouldn't trust me like this..._ "But... like you said, we need to know what we're getting into. I need you to know that I'm not... I'm not the man you want me to be, Barry. I'm not going to change my ways. I'm a thief and I'll always be a thief. I don't do dates or holding hands, I don't... do public displays. There are reasons that I'm a very private person and you'll learn those reasons after a while, but... I can try. It may take me a while," as if to prove his point, he threaded his fingers through Barry's as they rested on the counter, "but if you'll be patient with me, I can be more open about this."

Barry felt a small pain in his chest as Len entwined their fingers together. He desperately wanted to look down and see their hands there, together.

Len snorted for a second and shook his head when Barry looked in his direction. "I can just imagine family dinners now. I assume you'll make a no guns or arresting my boyfriend rule?"

"Boyfriend?" Barry smiled.

Shrugging, the rogue leaned his forehead against the other man's. "You said you don't do flings. I'm going to be a terrible boyfriend, but I want to try, if you do. Just..." He looked up at Barry for a long moment, taking in every emotion and feature on his handsome face. "Just don't think I'm taking advantage of you, okay?"

A loud and joyous laugh exploded out of Barry, echoing through the kitchen as the man leaned away from Len, holding his sides as he laughed. It wasn't mocking, just pure amusement and Len couldn't help the amused confusion that crossed his face. "Len, I'm not a teenager. I'm well old enough to choose my own relationships. I'm almost thirty, you know."

He didn't know, but he didn't care. "Funny," Len said cooly, drawing the word out like he would if he were Cold. "I think I'm old enough to be your father, Barry Allen." The speedster cringed at the comparison but Len ignored him, his thumb brushing under Barry's eye as his other thumb drew circles on his palm. "I meant this, your... situation. I don't want you thinking I'm only doing this because you're vulnerable right now. Not weak," he corrected, seeing Barry open his mouth to argue, "Just vulnerable. I need to know you want this, Barry. I need... I need to know that this goes both ways." Len waited, their faces a few inches apart at this point. There was a soft pout on Barry's lips and Len wanted so desperately to kiss it away, but he wouldn't let himself. He had to let Barry make that decision, he had to know that Barry wanted this just as much as he did. He had ruined so many things in his life to take something else so pure and crush it.

Barry unthreaded their fingers and reached his hands up to Len's face, slowly, he trailed over his arms, his shoulders, feeling the warm material of the man's sweater. He danced feather light touches over his neck and jaw and Len closed his eyes at the feeling. It was like Barry was trying to see him without his eyes and he let him, let him feel the lines across his older face, the stubble over his chin, the short greying hair of his head. He traced an old scar on the back of Len's head for a few seconds, noticing the older man tense under him, but he didn't stop him.

"Yes," Barry finally whispered, lips slamming into his with passion.

This kiss was drastically different than the other. While the other was a cool winter morning, this was a burning summer blaze, the sun beating hot on asphalt, scorching through Len like a fire. He pulled Barry's hips to the edge of the counter, drawing them even closer together and Barry wrapped his arms around Len's shoulders. He wondered briefly if Barry's tongue was laced with something because the taste of him, the feel of his hands on his neck, his shoulders, his face, was intoxicating. Len didn't usually care who it was he was fucking or how they made him feel, as long as he got his kicks in. Now though, pleasing Barry was the most important thing in the world.

Until Barry's fingers dipped below the collar of Len's sweater and his whole body went rigid, his lips freezing in an instant. Barry noticed the change immediately and pulled his hands and head back. He looked heavenly with his cheeks flushed and lips swollen, but Len grabbed his wrists and pulled them away from his shoulders. 

"I-I'm sorry, what did I do?"

Len swallowed the anxiety that threatened to spill out, reminding himself that Barry was the one who had no control over the attacks, not him. He took a steadying breath before letting go of Barry's wrists to thread their fingers together again. "Nothing, sorry..."

But Barry wouldn't have it. "Len, remember, if this is going to work, we need to work it together. I need to know what I'm allowed to do or not to do. I need you to talk to me so I can understand."

Those words were new to him. Len and his family were never sharing people. Even Lisa, the most open of them all barely expressed any real emotions. They didn't have "chick flick moments". He would tell her about a shitty heist that went south or someone who recently fucked him over, but they rarely talked about their feelings. Not to mention if someone didn't want to talk, they never pushed it. Looking at Barry though made Len want to tell him all his secrets, made him want to spill all the terrible things he was hiding that he couldn't even tell Lisa. It disturbed him how easily he trusted the speedster. "I'm not very good at this," he repeated again, leaning his forehead against Barry's. Barry didn't say anything, only waited patiently and quietly. Len was honestly surprised at how patient he could be with him. When he usually saw the man, he was bouncing off the walls, his fingers tapping or he was jumping between feet, constantly moving. He was moving now, slow circles over Len's wrists, but the rest of him was still, waiting, listening. "During the thing with my dad a while ago, Lisa told me she showed you her scar?" Barry nodded, remembering the nasty and deep scar that had defaced Lisa's otherwise perfect skin. It had sickened him and while he wasn't happy that Len had killed his father for what he did to them, he wasn't necessarily upset that he was dead. Len set Barry's hands on the counter, pressing them there until he knew the younger man would keep them there. He took a step away from Barry so that they were no longer touching and slowly made to pull the sweater and beater off over his head. Normally he wouldn't let anyone see his scars. Even Lisa didn't know the worst of them. Knowing Barry couldn't see them didn't ease his nerves though as he spoke. "Lisa only has two scars, one from  _him_ and the other from a surgery she had when she was little. My dad was an abusive asshole, went off about everything... But I made sure that Lisa never took any of the hits."

Barry's stomach dropped at his words. Of course he assumed that Lewis Snart had beaten both of his kids, but he never knew Len took the most of it.

He jumped slightly in surprise as Len took his hands once again and raised them to where Barry assumed his stomach was based off their height and the height of the counter. His fingers touched warm skin and the silence was deafening as Len's hands dropped once more. Barry could feel the raised scars littering Len's stomach, his chest, his shoulders and arms. Some were long and jagged- beer bottle?- and others were raised and round- cigarette burn? There were so many that there was barely even an expanse of skin that wasn't marred. As his hands explored, he could feel Len's heart beating faster than normal under his skin. His breathing was labored, but otherwise he was quiet. Barry's heart beat heavy in his ears and tears prickled behind his eyes as his hands travelled around Len's waist to his back, feeling even more scars there. Though he felt bile in the back of his throat, sick with anger at what Lewis Snart had done to him, Barry also felt a surge of honor. Len probably hadn't shown anyone else these marks, but he showed him, even if Barry couldn't really see them.

"I trust you," Len whispered, as if he read his thoughts. "Even if this doesn't work out, us being together... you trust me to be there during your attacks... I can trust you with this."


	7. A Week in Texts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next week goes by slowly, so let's take a peek at Len's phone, shall we?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mostly a filler chapter. I'm in the middle of moving but I wanted to upload a few quick chapters to hold everyone over until I get set back up again. So here's funny little, quick chapter.   
> It also may be formatted weird. I had trouble with uploading this chapter so half of it is all close together and half of it isn't, so bare with me, sorry.  
> Also a quick note, names will be bouncing back and forth depending on who Len is talking to, I hope it's not too confusing, I tried to make it obvious.

To Ice: Mick says you have a boyfriend, spill. - GoldieLocks  
To GoldieLocks: Mick needs to shut his trap. - Ice  
To Ice: So he's telling the truth? Bro, I'm hurt. Tell me all. - GoldieLocks  
To GoldieLocks: Not a chance. - Ice  
...  
To Len: How's Barry doing? He seemed tired when he came in for his check up yesterday. - CaitySnow  
To CaitySnow: He's fine. Hasn't been sleeping well. Nightmares. We've been binge watching Buffy. - Len  
To Len: Good luck, when Barry gets in a binge mood, it's hard to get him out of it. - CaitySnow  
To Caity Snow: Kill me now... - Len  
To Len: It's not that bad. Last time it was Warehouse 13, which was actually really good, but Netflix doesn't have all of it anymore. -CaitySnow  
To Len: BTW have you had to use those pills I gave you yet? Did they work? I need to know so I know if I need to up the dosage or not. - Caitysnow  
To CaitySnow: They worked for all of two minutes, so yes and no. It was enough for me to calm him down though. He's only had one or two bad attacks since coming here. - Len  
To Len: Good, thank you. - CaitySnow  
...  
To The Rogues: Taking a break for a few weeks. No business until further notice. - Ice  
To Ice: What's going on? All good? - Piper  
To The Rogues: All's good. No questions. - Ice  
To Ice: We good to do whatever then? I got some things I need done. - StormyNight  
To the Rogues: Follow the rules, other than that I don't care. - Ice  
To Ice: The captain is 2 busy fuckin his new thing. - Heatwave  
To Ice: Cold's got a new thing? Do tell. - Pika  
To Ice: What? When did this happen? - Piper  
To Ice: Few weeks ago. - Heatwave  
To Ice: Don't worry guys, I'm already on it. -GoldieLocks  
ICE has left the group.  
...  
To Mick: I fucking hate you. - Len  
To Len: Bitch. - Mick  
...  
To CaptainCold: DUDE, movie night this weekend, you guys coming? Barry never misses a movie night. - Vibe-olicious  
To Vibe-olicious: Your name is terrible, change it. - CaptainCold  
To CaptainCold: First off, RUDE. Second, no. Third, movie night? - Vibe-olicious  
To Vibe-olicious: I'll talk to Barry. He's itching to get out of the house and run. Think he can get on the treadmill blind? - CaptainCold  
To CaptainCold: If he holds on, I don't see why not. I'll ask Cait. - Vibe-olicious  
To Vibe-olicious: Barry says yes to movie night, I'll drop him off. - CaptainCold  
To CaptainCold: You aren't coming? Come on man, you kidnapped us, but we can be friends for one night a month. - Vibe-olicious  
To Vibe-olicious: Will Joe be there? - CaptainCold  
To CaptainCold: Fair point. Better safe than sorry for now. - Vibe-olicious  
...  
To Ice: Listen, I'm sorry about the whole rogue conversation. But seriously I need to know. - GoldieLocks  
To GoldieLocks: Fuck off, Lise. - Ice  
To Ice: You wound me! I'll ask Cisco, I bet he can hack something or other and tell me. -GoldieLocks  
To GoldieLocks: Cisco knows. And I've already threatened him. - Ice  
To Ice: WHAT? How does Cisco know? I fee betrayed! - GoldieLocks  
To GoldieLocks: I told him not to tell you. - Ice  
To Ice: Oh I'll find out. I'll search every safe house until I find him. -GoldieLocks  
To Ice: TELL ME! - GoldieLocks  
To Ice: I can wring it out of Mick. - GoldieLocks  
To Ice: LEEEEEEEN Please?!  
...  
ICE joined the group.  
To the Rogues: Guys, when I said do your own stuff, I didn't mean burn half of Central City down. -Ice

To Ice: Specifics are important. - Piper

To Ice: You said own stuff, I burned it down. Simple. - Heatwave

To the Rogues: Try not to kill anyone please. - Ice

...

To Ice: Anyone know what's up with the Flash? He hasn't been see all week, only the Kid one. -StormyNight

To Ice: I heard he's on vacation. -Pika

To Ice: Maybe he died. - Mick

To Ice: Doubtful. - Piper

To the Rogues: Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to sleep here. - Ice

...

To Ice: Are you happy? - GoldieLocks

To GoldieLocks: Yes. - Ice

...

To CaptainCold: Caity and I have decided we forgive you for almost killing us. - Vibe.olicious.deff

To Vibe.olicious.deff: I hate you. -CaptainCold

To CaptainCold: RUDE. I take back our forgiveness. - Vibe.olicious.deff

...

To Len: Cisco says Barry wants to run when he comes to the labs next. Will you be there? - CaitySnow

To CaitySnow: I can be. But if the detective or sister are there, probably not. I can be near by in case he needs me. - Len

To Len: That's fine. It should be good for him. - CaitySnow

To CaitySnow: Any news on the meta? Or a cure? - Len

To Len: Not yet. We have a few leads of other people being whammied, but nothing yet of where he is or what he's planning. - CaitySnow

To CaitySnow: I'll sick the rogues on it, see if the underground has info. I'll keep you posted. - Len

...

To the Rogues: New meta in town. Blinds people. Keep and eye out, tell me anything you hear. - Ice

To Ice: Was the pun intended? - Pika

To Ice: Isn't it always? - GoldieLocks

To Ice: We know what he looks like? What he's after? - Piper

To the Rogues: No. Ask contacts, underground, any info. Stay CLEAR of him. - Ice

To Ice: Got it boss. - Mick

...

To Len: Your boyfriend get whammied? - Mick

To Mick: None of your business. - Len

To Len: You gave me a job, I'm intvestigrating. -Mick

To Mick: It's investigating. And yes, if you must know. Tell the others and I'll take your gun and hide it. You already ratted me out to Lisa. Now she wont leave me alone. - Len

To Len: Ha. - Mick

To Mick: Bitch -Len

To Len: Whore - Mick

...

Vibe.olicious.deff has created the group Team FLASH

To Barrysitter: Guys, this is important, what movie are we watching for movie night? - Vibe.olicious.deff

To Team Flash: Why am I in this chat? - Barrysitter

To Barrysitter: Because you are an unofficial member of TEAM FLASH while Barry is unable to chat. Duh. - Vibe.olicious.deff

To Barrysitter: I still don't know why we can't know who Barry is staying with. -Journalista

To Barrysitter: Because it's Barry's secret lover, of course. -BritGent

To Team Flash: Quite the conclusion. Whatever makes you think that? -Barrysitter

To Barrysitter: It's the only reason they'd be keeping it a secret. -BritGent

To Barrysitter: I'm not sure why Barry can't stay with us. -KidFlash

To Barrysitter: Neither of us are ever home, Wally. He needs someone to help him out right now. Much to my dismay. - Joe

To Team Flash: I thought this message was about movie night? - Barrysitter

To Team Flash: Barry says his vote is for the Hobbit movies. I say that's rediculous. He just binged the whole LOTR series two days ago. That's enough. - Barrysitter

To Barrysitter: MOVIE NIGHT! - Vibe.olicious.deff

To Barrysitter: Also, are you going to movie night? - Vibe.olicious.deff

To Team Flash: No. - Barrysitter

To Barrysitter: Then you have no say. - CaitySnow

To Team Flash: Fine, but you're the ones who have to sit there listening to him recite the lines. - Barrysitter

To Barrysitter: I will not sit through that. I barely got through last month's Mel Brooks marathon with his recitations. - BritGent

...

To GoldieLocks: I'm free saturday, wanna do a quick heist and dinner? - Ice

To Ice: Can I grill you about your boyfriend? - GoldieLocks

To GoldiLocks: No. - Ice

To Ice: Fine, I'll come, but since I mentioned grilling you, I am now hungry for steak. I'm bringing Mick. - GoldiLocks

To GoldiLocks: Sounds good.

...

To CaptainCold: We were gone for ONE DAY! - Vibe.olicious.deff.is.angry

To Vibe.olicious.deff.is.angry: Early bird, Cisco, early bird. - Captain Cold.


	8. Soothing Burns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry wakes up somewhere new and Len isn't there to stave off this attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had this image of Barry needing sensory confirmation to kind of ground him and I've been watching prison break lately. There's a scene where Michael is freaking out and grabs Sara's arms and it's so heartbreaking and cute, so yeah. Here you go.  
> BTW I typed this up on my phone because I have no Internet right now, so hopefully it's not too terrible.

Barry didn't so much as wake up as he was slammed into consciousness, his head aching and his mind was foggy. He groaned, moving to raise a hand to grip his head but he couldn't move. Something tight was wrapped around his wrists and ankles and Barry tensed. His eyes were wide, but he still couldn't see. He didn't feel the constricting leather against his body so he knew whoever took him was after Barry, not the Flash. But who?

Barry closed his eyes, trying to think of the last thing he could remember. He had woken up to the sound of the shower going. Len had woken up early because they were supposed to go to a check up. Barry had made his way to the kitchen, made some toast and... and then the doorbell wrangler and stupidly he answered it without asking who it was first.

Idiot, Lens voice said in his head. 

Barry chest tightened and he squeezed his eyes shut tight, trying to focus on his breathing, imagining Lens voice in his head. He could feel a panic attack coming but he couldn't afford that right now. He had to focus and find out anything he could about where he was and who took him.

But he couldn't see. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't use his speed for fear of whoever took him finding out who he was. Not to mention he couldn't SEE to use his speed.

His breathing became uneven but he tried to focus on his thoughts.

What would leonard do?

Honestly he'd probably be out of the binds by now and picking the lock. But Barry couldn't even tell what kind of binds he was tied down with or where the door was. He sighed and took a deep, even breath. It was hot wherever he was and the air was stale and... old, like he was in one of the many warehouses Len would hole up in. A warehouse then? He could hear a few muffled voices on what sounded like the other side of a wall.

"Are you insane? Fuck, you must be.... kill you... death wish..."

"Calm down... fun... Won't hurt him... curious like me."

The voices were familiar, but with his mind so groggy and the panic attack still pressing at the back of his mind, he couldn't place them.

But he knew them right?

Which meant Len probably knew them.

He'd find him right? He'd be looking for him? And the others, they'd be looking. He couldn't think he was alone. He had to breathe.

But he couldn't and too many thoughts flooded his mind as he heard a door slam open and something being tossed inside the room with him. The possibility of that something being Len caused Barry's heart to race and he sucked in a sharp breath.

"Come on! It was just some harmless fun! We were all curious who the boss was fucking. Even you! Don't deny it!"

Barry's throat closed up and he squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't start this attack now. It was a bad one, he could feel it and if it were bad, he'd start vibrating and everyone in the room would know who he was and they'd kill him. 

But that only seemed to make the attack worse as he flexed his fingers trying to find something to grab onto, something to ground him. His fingers wrapped around the arms of the chair he was tied to and he tried to memorize the texture, the feeling of the wood.

"Yer a fuckin' idiot. Snarts going to murder you if he gets his hands on you. Be grateful i owe you one. Now get out before i kill you myself. Get out," a different, more gruff voice growled. "Get out!"

This voice was almost familiar, but it wasn't Len and whoever the voice was talking to shuffled before leaving, which meant that wasn't Len either.

In the back of his mind, he heard some shuffling before a door slammed, making the speedster jump and shake. He tried to push away from the footsteps that were coming closer but he couldn't get leverage with his bare feet. Normally he wouldn't be so scared of whoever kidnapped him. He was the fucking flash. He was a super hero. But without his eyes and his speed... he was just Barry, a nerdy Csi who didn't even know how to fight. 

The footsteps in front of him stopped and he could feel the intense heat of whoever was there radiating off the person.

"Damn it," the voice growled and Barry whimpered, shrinking back. He couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. What would they do now? Wpuld they kill him? "Calm down, I'm going to cut you free, a'right?"

Free? Cut him free?

Barry shivered as leather brushed his skin, then something cool and sharp. A knife! They were going to kill him, going to slit his wrists and he couldn't do anything about it. If it weren't for the panic in his throat, he'd have remembered that he could phase through the bindings, but all he could think about was the pain in his chest as he forced himself to breath, gulping in air like a fish out of water. Suddenly the bindings on his wrists and ankles were gone and he launched himself out of the chair and away from the grabbing hands. His speed surged through him but without his eyes, he slammed into something hard, the wall, and fell to his knees. He had to get away, get out of here.

"Kid, calm down, I won't hurt ya." The gruff voice-not Lens, not lens, not lens- muddled through his mind but he curled up in a ball. "You know who I am?" The question made Barry pause but when he felt the warmth get closer to him, he hiccuped and pulled away, hands raising to block the oncoming force. "Stop."

Barry froze, eyes wide and hands shaking.

"Good. I'm going to take one of your hands, okay?" When the speedster didn't answer, a hand, wrapped in loose leather, took his wrist. It was tight but not painful, but fear still coursed through his veins. After a few seconds, the man moved his hand and pressed it against something rough and big. Barry's hand gripped the object- an arm?- and after a moment, Barry brought both hands to the arm, desperate for something to ground him, to hold onto. His fingers gripped and loosened, brushing over rough, scarred skin. Scarred... he could feel the faint heartbeat under the persons skin, not strong like Lens, but there and he focused on it.

Though his chest heaved and his heart beat hard, his breathing calmed a bit and he stopped vibrating. His mind shifted through memories, trying to place the person before him. He ran his fingers over rough skin and traced the scars over arms and shoulders. His other hand found the other arm and the person let him grip both wrists tight, feeling the scars that coated ever surface.

Burns, his mind supplied. They were burns.

"M-Mick?"

"Yeah, kid, s'me."

It's Mick, Barry breathed, gasping and squeezing his eyes shut. Mick wouldn't hurt him. Mick knew who he was. Mick had let him go. Mick had watched Star Wars with them and had cooked them steak. Mick could get him to Len.

His eyes shot open at that thought and Barry grasped so hard at Micks wrists with both hands, he felt the man flinch slightly under him. "L-len?"

"Worried 'boutchya, pissed. Can you stand?" Barry swallowed, exhaustion surging through him, taking the place of the panic. But barry nodded, trying to gather his thoughts as Mick helped him to his feet. His knees buckled and his head swam, pulsing slightly as the panic attack slowly subsided. Mick grunted at the speedsters sudden weight and without asking permission, he hoisted the kid into his arms bridal style. Barry squeaked, but was too tired to fight back. He was sure they looked ridiculous, but exhaustion surged through him and he let his eyes drift closed while Mick carried him, hoping he could trust the man to take him back to Len.


	9. Idiotic Rogues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry goes missing and Mick makes it his personal duty to find him before Len freezes half of the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no Internet for me, but luckily I have data. I'm so glad everyone is loving this story! I'm loving writing it! So here is the last chapter from Micks pov.

Mick groaned as Lisa dragged him into the apartment he knew was Snart's. He was sporting a killer hangover from the night before and it was too early for him to be dragged out of bed for Snart's relationship problems. He was quite sure what was wrong, he wasn't much paying attention, but he thought he remembered Lisa saying something about Snart's boyfriend... emergency... meeting.

He scoffed as he tossed himself on the couch. He didn't need to remember, he was sure they would remind him.

Lisa was still pissed that Mick knew who the kid was and she didn't. Maybe he could use whatever happened to loom it over her some more.

The thought immediately left his mind when Snart stormed into the room. He was decked out in full Cold gear with an honestly terrifying look in his eye. Mick wasn't so good with showing emotions and talking bout them, but he could recognize fury when he saw it. He was on his feet in a second, glancing around as if first noticing that Barry wasn't there. If he was still blind from the meta attack Snart had told him about, he should be there right? Mick turned his look to Snart and watched his friend deflate a little, probably seeing that Barry wasn't with one of them. "What's happened?"

"I was in the shower," Snart growled- actually, truly growled- as his fingers flexed around the cold gun in his hands. Mick knew the look in his yes, the feeling of just wanting to ice someone, anyone, if it would help. "He must have woken up when I was in there. The door was open when I got out and there was no Barry."

Mick made a note at how Lisa reacted to the name, her eyes twinkling for just a moment as she finally knew who it was her brother was seeing, but the look turned deadly as she realized the situation.

"And he couldn't have just left?"

"Kids been blinded by the new meta in town," Mick supplied, earning a nod from Lisa. He looked at Snart and nodded. "Don't worry, boss. Well get 'im back to ya in one piece. I'll head to Saints, see if anyone's heard anything. You call the labs yet?"

Snart nodded. "They're looking for him, but he left his phone here so they have no real way of tracking him."

Mick nodded and turned to leave just as grumpy as he had come.

Mick had known Snart for a good majority of his life. He was like a kid brother and anyone who pissed off Snart, pissed off Mick. Plus, he had kind of grown to like the kid. They bonded over stupid shooter movies and Barry didn't treat Mick like he was an idiot as a lot of people do. Not that he cares what other people think, but it was new and he appreciated it. Going after Snart's lover was a low blow thougg, and Mick began to run through the names of people he knew that could know about the kid and his partner. He knew that Snart had been reluctant to let himself fall for the kid, probably because he was a hero, but Mick also knew it was because the less people the man had in his life, the less chance he had of getting hurt, or getting others hurt. Snart wasn't afraid of a little heartbreak, the idea made Mick snort, but he was afraid of his past and it often came back to haunt him and those he loved.

Right, back to who knew. Enough feelings. It was pretty much just the rogues and team flash. Mick growled at the thought of any of them doing this, so he did as he told Snart he would and drove to Saints and Sinners to ask around.

Mick asked around the bar for a good 20 minutes before deciding that no one knew a damn thing and moved on. He asked around with his contacts for the next hour, shot a few of the rogues some vague questions that they wouldnt be able to put together.

Still there was nothing and checking in with Lisa and Snart, it seemed they were drawing a blank also. The labs were having no better luck.

Normally, Mick knew the kid could take care of himself. He was the Flash for God's sake, but he was also blind right now and depending on who took him, he couldn't use his powers without outing himself.

Honestly the whole situation just made his hangover headache even worse.

His phone chimed with a text and he glanced at it, seeing a group message sent to him and all the rogues except Leonard.

 

To the rogues: guess who found out who the boss is dating? - Mardon 

 

An anger surged through Mick as he shoved the phone in his pocket and jumped on his bike. Fucking idiot, his mind supplied as the arsonist sped toward the safe house he remembered Mardon being holed up in. He had told Snart is wasn't a good idea to include the kid in the rogues, not after him betraying him like that. The weather kid was too emotional, too unstable and would cause too many problems.

But Mick loves to say I told you so.

He reached the safe house in record time and slammed the door open, gun already in his hand and spurting out small flames. Mardon had been sitting at a table with his feet on top of it, a smug little smile on his face until Mick had stormed in. The kid cried out and fell to the floor as his chair rocked back.

"Mick!"

"Are you insane?" Mick growled, stalking into the room without so much of a hello. "Fuck you must be if you think it's smart to kidnap Snart's toy." He knew Barry wasn't a toy, but letting on that he actually meant something to the younger man could be more dangerous. "Snart us going to kill you. You must have a death wish."

Marson swallowed, intimidated by how big Mick really was but he scrambled to his feet and let out a nervous chuckle. "Come on, Mick. It's just harmless fun. I wasn't going to hurt him. You can't tell me you weren't curious like me."

Mick bared his teeth, the fingers of his free hand wrapping in the man's shirt as he shoved him against the door behind him. He kept his voice calm, but deadly as he leaned in. "We don't fuck with our own, Mardon."

He shoved the kid back hard enough to get the door to pop open and he fell hard on his ass. Mick looked up for just a second to see Barry strapped to a chair in the center of the room, his eyes wide and bloodshot. His chest was heaving and Mick recognized the sign of his panic attacks and cursed low.

"Come on! It was harmless fun! We were all curious who the boss was fucking! Even you! Don't deny it." Mick bared his teeth again and the kid shrunk back. Smart.

"Yer a fuckin' idiot. Snarts going to murder you if he gets his hands on you. Be grateful I owe you one. Now get out before i kill you myself." When he didnt move, Mick gestured to the door. "Get out," Mardon slowly got to his feet, but not fast enough. "Get out!"

Mardon jumped again, emotions flitting across his face as he frowned and made his way to the door, slamming it shut. Barry jumped in his seat at the sound and Mick sighed quietly. 

Panic attacks were not in his job description. Sure, he'd helped Snart through some of his when they were younger, but he knew Snart. He knew what he needed, what was causing them. He knew almost nothing about Barry. 

He sent a quick text to Lisa to tell her he found the kid and was on his way back before taking slow and cautious steps toward the speedster, careful not to spook him. He could tell the kid was shaking and he flinched away the closer Mick got, his hands flexing under the zip ties that were cutting into his skin. The kid looked terrified and it only made Mick more angry.

"Damn it," he grunted, which seemed to be the wrong thing to do because Barry just started breathing harder. "Calm down, I'm going to cut you free, a'right?"

Mick pulled his pocket knife out and set his gun back in its holster. He made quick work of the bindings, noticing the way the kid gasped for air, like someone trapped in a fire, trying to breathe in but getting only smoke. The second the last zip tie was cut however, the kid was gone and Mick felt a cold hand gripped around his heart. (He imagined it was Snart's as he yelled about the kid getting away.) He heard a loud thump as he turned, seeing the kid sprawled out on the floor, wide, sight less eyes searching for anything he could see. Which was nothing. Mick sighed and stood slowly from his crouched position. Again he moved slowly towards the Flash.

"Kid, calm down, I won't hurt ya." He said slowly, trying to keep his voice quiet and non threatening. It was a little weird to tell the truth. "You know who I am?" The question made the kid pause, head tilting a bit but as Mick stepped closer, he hiccuped and shrunk back into his ball, hands coming up to block him. Mick grunted and decided on a different approach. "Stop."

Barry froze, eyes wide and hands shaking.

Mick remembered most of the time when Snart had an attack, he needed something to feel, something to grab onto to ground him. He'd called it something scientific sounding but Mick couldn't remember.

"Good. I'm going to take one of your hands, okay?" When the speedster didn't answer, Mick pushed his sleeves up and took Barrys wrist in a tight, but hopefully not bruising grasp. He didnt usually let people touch his scars, he wasnt ashamed of them, he displayed them proudly, but he didnt like the looks people gave him when they saw them. After a few seconds, and Barry not pulling away. Mick put his hand on his arm where the scars were raised and rough. The speedster latched on quickly, fingers kneeding and confusion passing over his pannicked face as he tried to figure out what was happening. When he did, both of his hands grabbed at Micks arm and he took it as a good sign. His fingers gripped and loosened, brushing over rough, scarred skin. 

Mick let him feel the scars without flinching. It was familiar, as Snart often did the same thing. Though he was still breathing hard, Mick could see the little vibrations in Barry's body subside as probably tried to figure out who Mick was. He waited patiently. 

At some point, the kid grabbed both of his arms, using Mick as an anchor to hold onto, his fingers tracing scars up and down his arms and to his shoulders. 

His fingers were gentle and it was a little weird. When Len did it, his fingers were always rough and hard pressing, as if making sure the scars were real, we're actually there.

He briefly wondered if the kid was this soft while touching Snart's scars, if the other rogue even let him.

"M-Mick?" The kid finally breathed and Mick nodded. 

After a moment realising he couldnt see that, Mick said, "Yeah, kid, s'me."

He watched as too many emotions flitted across Barry's eyes and face and wondered how man like Snart, so cool and collecting, fell for a kid who probably couldn't lie for shit.

He looked down, broken out of his musings when hands tightened around his arms, surprisingly strong.  "L-len?"

"Worried 'boutchya, pissed. Can you stand?" He had asked, looking around the room to see if the kid had been taken with anything. Barry nodded and let Mick help him stand, but the arsonist could see the exhaustion in the younger man's eyes. He was able to grab the kid as his knees buckled and he sighed again, his headache pounding in his head.

He should stop drinking so much.

He pulled the speedster into his arms with a small breath, surprised at how light the man actually was. (Seriously, how did he weigh this little and still pack away 8 pizzas by himself?) Barry squeaked, but was probably too tired to fight back. He was sure they looked ridiculous, but exhaustion seemed to win over as he watched Barry's eyes slide shut and he rested his head against Micks shoulder. 

Mick grunted, shaking his head as he chose to walk to the apartment he knew Snart would be waiting in. It was never that far from the safe houses and it was too early in the morning for most of this kind of neighborhood to be awake so he made it there without issue.

Snart so owed him for this.


	10. Sister Hen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa and Len wait for Mick to bring Barry home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well last chapter was Micks pov, let's get a little Lisa in there.  
> Again, this was typed up on my phone so if there are some small mistakes I'm sorry!

Leonard was pacing his living room and running his hands over his short hair, growling and grumbling to himself. Had it been anyone else with him, he would be standing there, cool and seemingly collected but seething inside. Instead, Lisa sat calmly on the couch, her legs propped up on the table before her and her arms crossed. She watched her brother with a mix of amusement and worry as they waited for Mick to get back with Lenny's boyfriend. Honestly she had been surprised to see how truly angry he was when she had come over. He'd called her raving and worried, asking if she'd seen him at all. Lisa thought maybe he'd finally snapped but when he ordered her and Mick to his actual apartment, she knew something was up. She hadn't been allowed over in the past two weeks and Mick rarely visited the one bedroom apartment at all.

Lenny cared about very few things in his life and to see him so worried over this boy made her heart both ache and swell.

"He must be something," Lisa said softly, but loud enough for Lenny to hear her. There was no teasing in her tone as there usually was, or sparkle of mischief in her eyes. She was genuinely surprised and happy that Len had found someone worth his affection. She knew he was happy, he'd told her so over text, but seeing it was something different. Lenny was never a very emotionally outward person. Even if he was more so with her, it was still guarded. He kept his secrets, and she didn't pry. She knew how he'd protected her from their father, even if she didn't quite know the extent of the damage. But there was damage. Len grew cold and distant, even from her sometimes. He never let anyone too close for fear of that someone betraying them. 

Them.

Lenny never saw it as just him. It was always them. Lisa and Lenny. She was his kid sister, but he would always put the both of them above anyone else. 

Eventually 'them' went from Lisa and Lenny, to Lisa, Lenny and Mick. Mick had been a slow add to the group, a slow burn one might say. Like embers over a fire. He'd saved Lenny's life in Juvie once and stuck up for him. Ever since they were best friends, but still it took a few years for Mick to be included in "them". In the people Lenny would protect before all else. He'd burn down the entire world for them if needed.

It was just who he was. Loyalty could come easy with Len depending on if one deserved it, but love was an emotion held only too two people. 

Possibly now three.

"He must be something," She said again with a gentle smile. Lenny stopped his pacing and looked over at her, his glazed eyes clearing as if he had just registered that she was speaking. "Your boy," She clarified. "He must really be special if you're so worried about him." She was careful with her words, knowing that if she used the word love and he wasn't quite there yet, she may ruin any chance of this progressing. Len was often a frightened teenager with his emotions, though he tried so desperately to hide it. 

He swallowed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "He is... I guess."

"What's he like?" She asked, genuinely curious, but also trying to distract him from the waves of emotions he was fighting with. She could tell the tide was trying to pull him under and he was desperately trying to keep his head above the water.

"Hes... he's idiot and stubborn," Len mumbled, fake annoyance lacing his tongue. "You tell him not to do something and it's suddenly all he wants to do.  Tell him not to do anything stupid and he runs straight into danger." Something in her brothers face changed all of a sudden, it softened and his lips tilted up just slightly. "Hes stupid and selfless, always puts other before himself. God Lise, I'm fucked." He plopped himself next to her on the couch and dropped his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. The kid has panic attacks, I seemed to be able to knock him out of them. I gave him my number so he could call if they got bad. It was just an arrangement. He needed help, i gave it. Nothing more. But... I fucking came running at the first sign that he needed me. I dropped anything the second he called. I ran out on a heist i spent months planning because his friend called saying he needed me... I fucking gave him my parka." He groaned and his shoulders slumped in defeat. "I don't understand how this happened."

Lisa understood perfectly as she put her feet down and rubbed a perfectly manicured hand over Lenny's back. 

Her brother was a mother hen, always had been. He was a teenager with his emotions, but whenever someone needed him, he couldn't say no. He played bad guy, and yes he was good at it and he loved being a thief, but he would stop whatever he was doing for anyone who cried help and truly needed it, especially broken people. She'd often see him drop bundles of money at a homeless woman's feet. He donated heist money to charities and children hospitals. And God forbid he see someone hurting their child.

He acted all big bad, like he didn't care about anyone but them, but Lisa knew better.

"Oh sweetie," Lisa cooed, rubbing his back. "I'm just had you're happy. You've never really dated anyone, this is great!"

He scoffed. "I'm not happy, I'm a mess. Plus," he looked up at her with those hard eyes, a frown on his lips, "We have very different lives. I cant... he got taken because of me, Lise... I have a lot of enemies and he's vulnerable right now."

Lisa knew what he was doing, he did it anytime someone got into his heart. He tried to find reasons why he should push that person away because he knew that they'd gotten too close. 

"Don't do that," She warned him, pointing a finger in accusation. "Don't you dare push this boy away because you're scared."

There was conflict on his face and he sighed. "Lisa he's a badge, I'm a criminal."

She blinked in surprise before a laugh bubbled out of her chest. "A badge? God Lenny, only you would date a do gooder!"

He grumbled and shook his head. "You don't know the half of it," and she could tell there was something else behind those words but Mick chose that moment to pound through the door. 

Lisa and Len were on their feet in seconds, but she hung behind to observe, as she often did. 

Mick put the boy down on his feet, unsteady, and Len grabbed his arms to hold him up, fretting and fluttering about him to make sure he was okay. His hands were everywhere, gripping the boys face, running through his hair, turning over his hands- checking for damage she assumed.

And the kid was cute. She was a little shocked at how young he was. Much closer to her age than her brothers, and he sure didn't look like a badge. He was too nerdy looking. And tired. She could see the bags under his eyes and the way his whole body sagged. 

She recognized him immediately, but waited patiently for her brother to finish fretting about. 

"I'm fine, Len," Barry muttered, batting away the man's hands from his face only to grab them. "I'm okay, I'm just tired is all. He didn't do anything but try and scare me a little."

"I'll kill him," Lenny growled low. 

"I'll make sure he knows what's what," Mick grunted before dropping a hand on Barry's shoulder. "Nice seein' ya kid. I'll see ya later. Snart, Lisa," he nodded before closing the door behind him. His business done.

Barry tensed a bit, "Lisa is here?"

Oh right, he got whammied, she remembered.

"Yeah sweetie, I'm here." She took careful steps forward so he could hear her coming and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. He tensed under her but returned it. "I'm so glad you're alright. Lenny was ready to tear down all of central city if we didn't find you." She glared at her brother. "I'm sorry we had to meet under these circumstances but Lenny refused to let me meet you." She pulled away and laughed at the shocked look on the boys face. "Oh I'm sure he just wanted to save you for himself, you are just the cutest thing." She patted his cheek and earned a soft, earnest smile from the kid. "You work at ccpd right? You're the tech that's friends with Cisco?"

Barry groaned and reached a hand out towards Lenny. "Save me," he begged, amusement betraying his words.

"What?" Lisa said innocently, "I just want to know if he talks about me."

Barry groaned again and Len shot her a thankful look.

She was good at cheering people up, it was a gift.


	11. Scarlet and Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry is safe now and back in Lens arms, but will he always be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super thankful for all the great reviews guys! I'm loving this story so I'm glad you are too :)

After Mick and Lisa left, Len has Barry pushed up against the wall of the living room, hands grabbing at the younger man's thick hair and mouth desperately consuming him. Barry gasped in surprised but there was no denial, no thinking this through. They both needed this. Barry needed something to touch and Len just had to make sure he was okay, that he was still there. That his heart was still beating. His tongue slipped past Barry's lips easily and the speedster wrapped his arms around Lens shoulders, rocking their bodies together and lavishing the warmth and attention. 

All the anger and desperation he had been feeling that morning collided in that kiss and he took as much as he gave. He pushed and pulled and he gave and stole breaths from the man under him. He needed this, more than he thought he did. Barry filled an empty hole that he didn't know was there and when had disappeared, it was gaping and black, sitting there in his frozen heart.

'This is a stupid mistake', Lens brain told him, even as his body pressed hard against Barrys. 'I shouldn't do this. He'd be safer without me. He'd be better off.'

When Barry groaned under him, something hard pressed against Len, he pulled away. His heart was beating like a hummingbird in his chest and his eyes widened at the beautiful sight in front of him. Just the look of the happiness on his face made Len want to kiss him again, all over and just give Barry anything he wanted. At this point, if he asked, Len would hand over his cold gun for good and become a lawyer or something. It wouldn't last long, but he'd do it.

Barry's eyes were half lidded, his hair mussed and sexy. His lips were wet and red and his cheeks tinged the most lovely Scarlet.

"Damn it, Scarlet... what are you doing to me," he growled out loud, dropping his forehead to Barry's shoulder. He could feel his own arousal pressing tight against his pants, his skin tangled where Barry touched his neck and his heart beat hard in his throat. "This is stupid... we can't do this."

The speedster tensed under him, his breathing slowly evening out again. "What do you mean?"

Len slammed his hand against the wall beside Barry's head and pushed himself away. "Damn it Barry, can't you see how this isn't going to work?" He ran his hands over his head and started pacing in front of the man. "I can't afford luxuries like you in my kind of work, because this thing happens." He waved frantically at Barry, though he couldn't see it, and though his voice was a deep growl, it was loud. "I have very few people I care about for a reason, Scarlet. Because when I care about people, they end up with bombs in their neck. When I care about people, they end up kidnapped. Hell I'd probably blow myself up to save Mick if I had to."

Barry swallowed, composing himself before leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. He was going for a calm and collected look, but inside he was terrified. He'd gotten close to the rogue, fallen for him. He wasn't sure he'd be able to walk away if Len asked. "Len, I'm the Flash. I can take care of myself. I won't be blind forever."

"But you will be you, forever," Len yelled back. "You will always have those damn puppy eyes and that dumb look on your face that I can't resist. Damn it, Scarlet, haven't you noticed I come running anytime you call? You have the smallest of panic attacks and I have to be there to help you through it. You even so much as cry wolf and I drop whatever I'm doing to be at your side."

Barry could feel his own anger building up in his chest as Len spoke. "You think I want to have nightmares every night and panic attacks? This fucking sucks for me, Leonard. I had to deal with them by myself until now! I barely slept, I was always exhausted. I got my own apartment in a shitty building because I didn't want Joe and Wally waking up in the middle of the night to me screaming! I didn't ask you to be there for me, Len, you offered!" He motioned between them, eyes frantic, "and this!? I didn't ask for this either. I told you that we needed to be aware of our 'work' relationship before we started this. I told you that I don't do flings! What did you think was going to happen when we started dating, that you wouldn't care for me? Well news flash, Len, that's what happens."

Len clenched his fists. 

Barry was right. He knew this was a stupid idea going in. He knew that they wouldnt work and yet he had kissed him anyway. He had let him into his home, taken care of him, watched movies with him and cooked for him. He had fallen in love with a man who was supposed to be his enemy and he didn't know what to do with that information.

 

Barry blinked, waiting in silence for Len to say something. His heart was breaking, not knowing what he was thinking. 

He blinked again and the darkness began to lighten, getting brighter and brighter until it almost hurt.

And Len was in front of him, seething, but his brow was together and his lips were pursed. Barry could see the confusion in his eyes and the battle ranging inside him.

"I'll let you think about that," he said finally. "I've got to get back to the labs."

Lens head shot up in surprise only to see Barry staring straight at him, not near him like usual, but straight at him. He looked hurt, and rightfully so, but Len swallowed and nodded. He'd let the kid go if he had to. He would let the hero go back to his normal life, to those who cared about him and could protect him.

"I'm sorry," was all he said as Barry sighed and walked out.

Len sat on the edge of his coffee table as the door clicked shut and locked itself. He dropped his head in his hands and pushed the tears away. He hadn't cried in a long time and he wasn't about to start now.

It was better this way, he was sure. Barry was pure and perfect, he was a hero. If he describe Barry as a color, ironically it'd be red. Bright and passionate, but untainted. He was the color of the thing that kept one living. He was the color of the most popular of flowers. Len was black. He sucked the light out of everything around him and absorbed it without second thought. He was dangerous and unforgiving. Perhaps he was like his father in that way. While Lewis was a danger by bringing pain to someone himself, Len was the danger by bringing it to others unwillingly. He protected Lisa from their father, and yet still she became a criminal, still he let her be put in danger. He'd let his own father put a damn bomb in her neck. And Barry... he was soft with Barry. He let his guard down with him, which was dangerous for all parties. He got himself hurt, but also Barry and he couldn't let that happen. If Barry wanted to put himself in danger by being the Flash, that was all well and good, but Len couldn't stand being the cause of any danger coming to the speedster. Barry was too pure for Len to suck the light from him like he had from everything else.

He snorted at himself. Lisa would tell him to stop being so melodramatic, but as he looked up at the empty apartment around him... it felt familiar, if empty. 

This is what he knew. This is what he could control.

If that meant leaving Barry out of his life.

Well then maybe he would just have to deal with that dark hole in his heart again.

 

Barry took a deep breath as he walked the streets back to the labs. For the first time in years, he didn't feel like running. He tried to tell himself that Len was just having second thoughts, that he was still mad at Mardon for taking him.

But he couldn't help but feel that maybe Len was right. In what world could a criminal and a hero be together? Sure, Caitlyn and Cisco knew Len was watching him, helping him while he was blind. But they didn't know they had started dating. 

For some reason, he felt the sting of betrayal in his chest. He had stabbed his friends in the back by falling in love with a man who had tried to kill them. He knew he would never turn Len against crime, that he would never be a hero or a good guy, but for a few weeks, that hadn't mattered to Barry. It hadn't mattered that Len was a man that could kill him with a single shot, or that he might do whatever it took to finish a job. Barry fell for the very person he was supposed to be trying to stop. Not only was he a superhero, but he was a cop. Well a csi, but still. Barry's whole existence evolved around stopping the bad guys, not sleeping with them.

What would Joe think if he found out that his son had just been desperately making out with a fellon? 

Yet even knowing that, even thinking that maybe, just maybe, Len was right... 

Barry raised his fingers to his lips and sighed. He could still feel the heat there, still feel the older man's hands crawling through his hair. He was like a drug and Barry an addict. He wondered if he could stay away even if he wanted to.

In a last minute decision, Barry turned away from the labs and toward his apartment, shooting Team Flash (minute temporary member Len) a group text.

 

To Team Flash: eyesight is back. I'm heading back to the apartment. Need sleep. Caitlyn I'll let you run tests tomorrow. -Bar


	12. Lisa's fed up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa is fed up with the moping and gets to the bottom of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have no life and am avoiding unpacking. So here's another chapter :)

To GoldenHotCakes: hey, do you knows what's going on between Barry and your bro? He's been acting all weird since he got his sight back. -Vibes.your.man

 

To Vibes.your.mam: I was hoping you could tell me. Len has been planning this heist for the past few days, just him and Mick. He's obsessed it go perfect. -GoldenHotCakes

 

To GoldenHotCakes: perfect? Don't they usually?- vibes.your.man

 

To vibes.your.man: that depends on his purpose. But this time he is determined not to get caught, not even by the Flash and you know how much he loves playing with the Flash. Something is up. -Golden.Hot.Cakes

 

To GoldenHotCakes: yeah Barry has been working super hard and he doesn't hang out with us much. Just stays at home. I'm worried. -vibes.your.man

 

To vibes.your.man: you think they had a fight? - GoldenHotCakes

 

To GoldenHotCakes: maybe he just went back to being hero and criminal. -vibes.your.man

 

To vibes.your.man: no way, Lenny was devastated when he went missing. They could barely keep their hands off each other when we found him.- GoldenHotCakes

 

To GoldenHotCakes: umm what? -vibes.your.man

 

To vibes.your.man: I'm pretty sure the second we left they were making out all gross.- GoldenHotCakes

 

To GoldenHotCakes: uh first off, ew. Second, what are you trying to tell me, they were like... together?- vibes.your.man

 

To vibes.your.man: duh? You didn't know? They've been dating for a few weeks now. I think since that first day Barry was whammied. BTW did you guys ever find the guy who did it?- GoldenHotCakes

 

To GoldenHotCakes: oh my God it makes so much sense now! Barry is post breakup moping! Ew. -vibes.your.man

 

To GoldenHotCakes: oh and no we didn't find him but there have been a lot of reports of things stolen that are leaving no traces and the victims being blinded for short periods of time. -vibes.your.man

 

To vibes.your.man: that's it, I'm staging an intervention. Or at least figuring out what happened. -GoldenHotCakes Cakes

 

...

 

Barry sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face before glaring at the beaker, hoping that maybe if he stared hard enough it would give him some answers on the case. Sighn was breathing down his neck about finishing this report but his brain just wasn't working and Julian was off at some symposium or other in England again. Joe had given him this weird look when he came into work that morning and had steered clear all day and while Barry appreciated the alone time, he really wished everything would just go back to normal. 

He groaned and stood up, walking over to the sink to wash his hands. The face that looked back at him in the mirror was a stranger. His eyes were baggy and black, his hair was flat and he was much paler than normal. Caitlyn had mentioned that he wasn't eating as much as normal.

And he hadn't he knew. He wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping. Every night was filled with nightmares and panic attacks that he couldn't control. He looked at the date on the calender and it drew closer and closer to the day Iris was supposed to die. He wasn't fast enough. He wasn't smart enough. He just wasn't enough. Caitlyn had asked briefly if something had happened between him and Len... Snart. And while yes, he was broken up about their sort of break up, it was just another stone on the scale of how Barry's life was falling apart. 

He groaned and leaned his forehead against the mirror. It was his fault too, all of it. If he hadn't tried to fuck with time, maybe Iris would be okay. Ciscos brother would be okay. Caitlyn wouldn't be struggling with her powers... 

And he was okay with the breakup, even if he was sad about it. Even if it hurt, Snart was safer without Barry there to care about him. Like he'd said, one less person to be used against him.

"You know, staring at yourself all mops like isn't going to make the guilt go away."

Barry sighed and closed his eyes. He knew who it was and he had no desire to have the conversation she was here to have. "How did you even get in here, Lisa? This is a police station." He turned to her, expecting to see some smug smirk on her lips, instead he saw anger and narrowed eyes. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? My brother is heartbroken. And I'm here to figure out what you did to make him like that." She crossed her arms and glared at the confused look on Barry's face. "Don't look at me like that. Lenny and Mick have been holed up for days planning some heist, he refuses to talk to me, probably because he knows I can see right through his shit. Something happened the day you got kidnapped and I'm here to set you straight." She stalked forward until Barry was backed up against the sink and poked her long nail into his chest. "My brother was hapoy. For a few blissful seconds he was happy and that hasn't happened in a long time. He doesn't let people into his life easily, Barry Allen and if you think you can just walk away because things got hard, you have another thing coming."

Barry blinked up at the woman, eyes wide in shock. "You think I walked away?" His tone wasn't accusatory or angry, just surprised. He didn't believe that she thought it was him who walked away. Yes, technically he was the one to leave, but Len had pushed him away, had told him it wouldn't work. "Why would I do that?"

"Sorry you're saying it's all Lenny's fault then?" She asked, narrowing her eyes dangerously.

Barry shook his head. "I'm not saying that. Im just saying that Im not the one who walked away from hi. I told him Id let him figure out what he wants, and i went home. He hasnt called me since. It's both our faults really. We got into something we thought we could handle and it turns out we couldnt. We lead different lives, Lisa. I don't mind that Len is a criminal. I should mind, but I dont. It's just... it's safer if we're not together, for both of us. Not to mention how much shit I'd get into if Joe found out. And... it's just safer. If Lenny wants to try and work this out, maybe... but... but it's too dangerous right now."

Her eyes softened a bit, and Barry didn't want that look trained on him. He didn't need pity. He needed to be left alone. He needed time. He needed answers, but he had none of that. He had no time left and he had no answers for how to fix this problem. Any of the problems that had been stacking up around him, surrounding him in this tight little coffin where he could barely breathe.

"Honey, if this is about the kidnapping... it was one of the rogues being an idiot." Lisa took his hands in hers and gave a soft smile. "Being with Lenny can be dangerous, sure, he has enemies. But he loves you, he'll protect you, like he does me."

Barry laughed, a hard laugh as he shook his head and pulled his hands away from her. "It's not me, I'm worried about, Lisa." He looked at the calender again and frowned. "I only have a few weeks left and I cant... I can't handle all these things bombarding me at once. I can't protect everyone, Lisa." Tears welled up in his eyes and he shook his head, his vision getting foggy. No, he couldn't have an attack now. He pushed it away with all his might. "I can't protect Iris and Wally and... and worry about Len and you and Mick... I care about you all, even Mick silly enough. And the more people I care about... I can't protect everyone and if he catches on that I care about Len more than..." Barry's eyes widened and shot up to Lisa, as if just realizing he'd said to much. Idiot, he scolded himself, seeing the confusion in her eyes and the gears turning as she tried to understand his words. "I-I... I have to go, I'm sorry." 

Barry rushed out of the room, vision still swimming and throat closing up. The vision of Savitaar was clear in his head and the memory of last night's dream was vivid as a movie.

 

Len and Barry had been kissing as if nothing had changed and it was familiar and filled with love. He could practically feel Lens warm lips on his.

"Barry, what Are you doing to me," Len moaned against his lips.

"Len... I-i love you."

The second he said it, Lens eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. His lips grew red as blood poured over them and he choked softly. "Len? Len!" The older man fell into his arms and Barry could see the blue armor glowing in the darkness behind him. "No! No!"

"Now you will know pain, Flash. I will take every loved one you have." Then suddenly beside him, Zoom and Yellow flash appeared, smiling menacingly at them. "I will take everyone you ever loved."

 

 

To vibes.your.man: our boys are both idiots. I need to talk to Lenny, then we are all staging an intervention. -GoldenHotCakes

 

To GoldenHotCakes: I guess you figured out what happened? Care to share with the class? Cait and I are worried. -vibes.your.man

 

To vibes.your.man: they're both afraid of the other getting hurt, I guess. Barry says neither of them are at fault. That it's safer. I need to talk to Lenny and get his side of the story. -GoldenHotCakes

 

To GoldenHotCakes: good luck.we need Barry at his best right now.- vibes.your.man


	13. Sound Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry seeks advice from his mentor after a particularly bad nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love mentor!ollie. It makes me happy

"Look at you, Flash," Savitaar said, his voice a low growl, vibrating slightly with each passing word. Barry stood too many feet away and he could see the armor of the so called god standing tall above the kneeling figure before him. The fur of the parka fluttered in the wind, the body inside it still as ice. "You've come to save him, but you're too late." Savitaar drew the person to their feet and spun them around. "Look at your lover, Flash. Gaze into those lightning blue eyes while you watch him die."

Len's face stared back at Barry as the younger speedster screamed, his echos silent as the wind carried them away. The speed force surged through him, his heart beating too slow as he raced toward the man and the monster.

But he was too late.

He was out of time.

He was too slow.

 

Barry woke with a cry, sitting up in his bed covered in a heavy sweat. His muscles were shaking and his heart pounding so hard he could feel it in his fingertips. Though the light in the room was dim from the moon, he could see the dark material of the parka staring back at him from inside the closet. He heaved heavy breaths as he looked at it. It promised comfort, promised reprise from the panic attacks and the nightmares. With a flash, he was out of bed and back in it, this time, the parka wrapped tightly around him as he curled onto the bed, under the covers. The pine scent was long gone by now, but the warmth was familiar and calming.

_God I wish he were here,_  Barry found himself thinking, but he shook his head quickly. _That kind of thinking is the exact reason I'm having these damn nightmares._

For the past few days, his nightmares had been scattered between Iris dying and Len. If they taught him anything, it was that he was dangerous to love. Ollie had warned him once, a long time ago, that the heroes never got the girl, or in this case, guy.

Ollie.

Barry sat up quickly, staring at the clock to see the time- 2:31 am. He wondered if he would even be awake, but before he could talk himself out of it, Barry was speeding off to Star City. The route was a familiar one, as they still often got together for training purposes, but Ollie had once told him that no matter what, he could talk to him and right now, all Barry needed was a sane mind to tell him what to do. To answer the questions he wasn't sure how to ask.

Diggle jumped with wide eyes, spilling his fries all over the ground as Barry appeared in their lair. "Seriously!? Dude, you have no idea how many orders of fries you owe me." He looked Barry up and down for a second, raising an eyebrow. 

Knowing he was still just wearing pajama pants and the parka, and his feet were burning slightly from the friction of running barefoot there, he rubbed the back of his neck. "Hey Dig... is... is Ollie around?" When the older man pointed him in the direction of his friend, Barry made his way over.

"Barry," Oliver said, surprised as he held a freshly brewed cup of coffee. "Does no one actually sleep around here?" His smile fell away however as he looked at the kid. 

The kid looked terrible with wide eyes and bags as dark as his hair, which was flat on one side and messy on the other. He watched as the younger hero pulled the strange parka he was wearing closer to himself and shiver. The look in his eyes was a familiar one and it tore at what little heartstrings Oliver had left. "Barry, what's wrong? Is everything alright?"

"Not really," he muttered, smiling gratefully when Ollie gestured for him to sit. "There's just... there's too much going on and I don't know how exactly to handle it." Barry ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit, and sighed. "I don't understand how you do this, Ollie... balance everything like this. I've done really stupid things recently and they're piling up and piling up and I'm afraid soon their going to topple over. It's like I'm playing Jenga with missing pieces and I can't fill them in because I'm out of blocks." He leaned forward and rested his head in his hands. "And I think I just lost someone I really care about, but... but I run the risk of them getting hurt if I don't let them go. I already have to save Iris, I can't let anyone else get hurt just because I care about them, Ollie... but I'm... I'm falling apart here man and I don't know how to put myself back together."

"Barry, you can't save everyone, you can't protect everyone."

"But can't I try? I can protect Iris by trying to avoid the future, by figuring out who this speedster is before he's created so I can stop him." Barry stood and flung his arms around as he raised his voice a bit, tired tears filling his eyes. "Can't I protect Wally by keeping him out of this stupid life? Can't I protect Len by pushing him away? By pretending that I don't care if he doesn't want... doesn't want a relationship?"

Oliver raised an eyebrow as Barry's voice cracked at the end and he sat his coffee down. "Barry, I don't know who this, Len is." He gestured at the parka the speedster wore, "I can take a wild guess, but if it's who I think it is, don't you think he can take care of himself?"

"Should that change anything?" Barry asked, more like begged. He needed Ollie to tell him it was alright. To tell him that it's okay that his heart is breaking and that he could fight through it because he had to. He needed to be told that he couldn't go running back to Len because it was too dangerous. "So many people have died, because of me, Ollie. Eddie, Dr. Wells, my _dad_. And now Iris' death is looming over my head in the future and from what I can tell, I can't stop it. So what if Len can protect himself? Being in a relationship with him just puts him in danger when my enemies get too close." With a resigned sigh, Barry dropped himself back into the chair and drew in a shaky breath. "I just don't know what the right thing to do is, anymore, Ollie. I've lost too many people because I love them, I can't afford to lose him too. Besides, he pushed me away. He said it wouldn't work because we're too different. Maybe he was right."

Oliver put a hand on Barry's shoulder and let the silence sit between them, trying to think of what to say that could help. But all he could think was, "Barry, you can't save everyone. You can try with all of your might, all of your heart, but people are going to get hurt. You can try to push them away to protect them, but trust me, I know from personal experience that it doesn't work. Keeping them close puts them in danger, sure, but it also puts them closer behind you so you can protect them even better." Barry's big puppy eyes looked up at him as he contemplated the answer. It wasn't what he had wanted to here, Oliver was sure of that, but it perhaps was what he needed to hear. "If you like this guy, really like him, pushing him away is only going to make things worse. Look at yourself Barry, you're a mess. And maybe it's not just because of this guy," he said quickly as Barry opened his mouth to argue, "but he adds to it. Stressing out over what _might_ come to be isn't going to help you, Barry. And you don't have to do this alone. Again, I speak from experience when I say that I know it doesn't work. You have a whole team of friends who love you and want to help you. If this guy, this, Leonard Snart, helps you at all, let him do that for you. Let him keep the nightmares away and fight back the panic. You two may be on opposite sides of the coin, Barry, but in the center you could be connected. Relationships are hard, but they aren't impossible."

Barry frowned at Oliver, his mind working like gears as he processed what his friend was saying.

He was right. Ever since the 'breakup' Barry had let himself go even more than normal. His stress levels had rocketed when he realized that Len had become to mean something to him, and thus it made him a target. It wasn't even the break up that made it bad, it was what Len had said to him.

_I can't afford luxuries like you in my kind of work, because this thing happens._

It was true. People around Leonard Snart got hurt. And people around Barry Allen got hurt. But Ollie's words made something click in his head at the fact that maybe Barry and Snart could protect each other, that maybe, just maybe, it was something they both needed.

"Go to him, Barry," Oliver mumbled, taking a sip of his coffee only to find it lukewarm. He sneered and set it down with a huff. "Take  it from me, when you find something good, hold onto it. Protect it. You can't control death, Barry. If Snart dies by the hand of your enemy or his, it doesn't matter. Death comes when it comes. But you can fight it, you can protect against it. But not from far away."

The speedster gave his master a small smile, relief flooding through him as he made his decision. "Thanks, Ollie... I really needed that..."

"Anytime, Barry. Anytime at all."

Barry jumped slightly as his phone rang in the parka's pocket. "Sorry," he mumbled to Ollie who just waved him away and let Barry check the text. He swore his heart stopped for just a moment as he looked at the words on the little screen. He blinked a few times, rereading it over and over to be sure it said what it did.

 

Barry, Lenny was shot. Come home. - Lisa

 


	14. Your Welcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry goes to visit Len, thinking he's hurt. They don't exactly have the discussion he assumed they would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers a bit, this is my first time writing a sex scene, so bare with me.

Barry ran faster than he ever had normally. (Not as fast as he had to to run back in time or to another Earth, granted, but faster than his normal everyday speed.) His heart was pounding and tears were streaming down his face, the wind sharp against his skin.

_This can't be happening, this can't be happening. He can't be dead, can't be dead._

With the blink of an eye, he was slamming through the door to the apartment he had called home for three weeks, the parka around him singed slightly from the lightning, but in no terrible condition. His chest heaved with his short breaths and his eyes stared into the bright blue glow of a cold gun, just a few centimeters away from his face. The familiar hum thrummed through Barry's veins and calmed him, but only slightly as the chill in the air fogged up his breath. 

"What the hell are you doing here, Scarlet?" That deep, low rumble of a voice ground out. The cold gun lowered just enough so Barry could see Len's face, blue eyes confused as he took in is lover's face, no doubt a mess of tears and splotchy cheeks. "Could have given this old man, a heart attack. What's going on? Another panic attack?" His voice was cold, but there was concern in his eyes, just as there had been when they had first started up this little contract of theirs. A sob wrecked through Barry as he shot forward, arms wrapping around Len's chest and face digging into his neck. Len was frozen for a few seconds, arms up in surprise before he awkwardly patted Barry's back, returning the hug hesitantly. "Be still my frozen heart," he grumbled, even though the weight of the man in his arms was welcome and intoxicating. "Dare I ask if those tears are for me?"

Barry hiccoughed before pulling away slightly, his hands finding the sides of Len's face, twisting and turning it as if searching for damage that he wasn't seeing. His eyebrows drew in and his lips pursed as he tried to control the tears that were still overflowing in his eyes.

"Y-you're okay?"

Len raised a slow eyebrow, his words a slow drawl. "Of course."

"You weren't shot?"

Laughing, the thief pulled away slightly, taking a step way from the speedster. The tears mixed with the deep concern in his voice made Len want to comfort him, and he couldn't have himself falling back into that hole again. "Now what would make you think that? You must have such little faith in me, _Barry._  I'd have you know the job went off without a hitch." That didn't seem to alleviate the kid however because he only stared at him with those big, sad eyes and he sighed, annoyed. "What?"

Biting his lip, the younger man shoved his hands in the pockets of the parka and looked down at his bare toes. "Lisa said you were shot... I-I thought." The tears came back again, but he blinked them back and scrubbed at his face with the sleeve of the oversized jacket. "I thought you were..."

A gentle finger touched to the bottom of Barry's chin, forcing him to look up at the other. The annoyed look he had been sporting a second ago had been changed into a soft, concern and loving gaze, despite himself. "Barry, my sister was lying. I'm fine. I'm not sure why she told you that, but I'm okay. I'm-"

"If you say peachy, I'm going to shoot you myself," Barry mumbled, drawing a chuckle from the older man. He sniffed and before he knew it, he was pressing his lips against Len's in desperation. His hands held onto the sides of the rogue's head, despite the other man gripping at his wrists. But he didn't pull away and Barry took that as a good sign as he kissed him harder, this time his tongue being the first to pass through. Their teeth clashed and Barry's fingernails scraped across the skin of Len's neck as he tried to get closer and closer. They toppled onto the couch behind Len without even breaking the kiss, Barry straddling Len and Len's hands gripping Barry's hips. The rogue let out a loud groan when Barry ground against him, his arousal clear through his pajama pants.

"Len," he breathed, grinding against Len's own hardness even more, desperate for friction.

"Barry," Len replied, pulling the speedster's hair sharply so he could gain access to the man's neck. He sucked hard, leaving marks that he guessed wouldn't be there by the time he finished the next, but he bit and sucked at the soft skin like a starved man meeting his last meal. "We can't do this," he mumbled against Barry's skin, but his hands roamed over hips and back and shoulders.

A soft gasp escaped Barry's lips, followed by a moan when Len bucked his hips up to grind against him. "Fuck that, Len. I'm not letting you go and you're not letting me go. Not until the wee hours of the morning after you've fucked me into that king sized bed of yours."

Len groaned at the words and bit hard at the kid's collarbone, pulling a wickedly feral cry from Barry's chest.  "Fucking christ, Scarlet," he hissed, the war inside him burning like a fire. He stood quickly, holding the smaller man up easily as Barry wrapped his legs around Len's waist. Like a blind man, he made his way to the bedroom, taking brief moments to slam the speedster into a wall as the need to be closer and closer drew near. Finally they collapsed on the bed, Len between Barry's legs as he held the man against the mattress. He bit hard on Barry's shoulder, drawing a bit of blood and relishing in the cry and moan that left Barry's lips. "Fucking christ, the things you do to me."

Moaning, Barry reached down and ran his fingers along the rim of his pants, hands slipping slowly under the hem of his shirt. Len tensed under hungry fingers and Barry groaned, leaning up to make his own dark purple marks along Len's neck and shoulder. "I know they're there, Len."

The rogue was tense above him, but gentle fingers massaged and pressed as sharp teeth and needy lips ate at his throat. He couldn't help the moan that escaped him as Barry sucked under his jaw, his eyes rolling back for a moment as he lost a bit of his hard earned control. "Seeing and feeling are two very different things, Barry."

Barry pushed the shirt a bit higher, his palms flat on Len's stomach, fingering scars that he had memorized while blind. "Do you trust me?"

The question of the century, Len thought to himself. He trusted three people in his life, four if he included himself and that was only a 50/50 chance. But Barry was one he could trust whole-heartedly- if his heart could be considered whole- so he nodded. In a flash, Barry had them flipped over, hips rolling seductively over Len's and he bucked slightly into the pleasure. Barry pulled him forward by the shirt, pulling him into a hard kiss, only to part for a second as he yanked the shirt off of him.

Despite the old and ugly scars along the man's torso, he was beautiful. Tattoos were littered among the old wounds, decorating his skin like a museum and Barry laughed at himself at the comparison. He leaned down to press a kiss to the scar just under Lisa's name, scrawled over his heart like a promise, then another to the beautiful blue snowflake that decorated the inside of the man's elbow. He kissed each scar he could reach, and licked a trail down the center of Len's chest- and Len almost lost himself at the sight- not stopping until he came to the two tattoos that decorated the V of his hips. They were beautiful renditions of the cold gun and the heat gun, artfully done and water coloured blue and orange. Barry kissed at the cold gun on his hip and Len grabbed at the speedster's hair, tugging slightly until the kid looked up at him with those wide eyes. He wanted to say something, something sweet and sappy, something more the kids style, but it wasn't how Len did things, so the words never formed in his throat. Even then, with the hungry look Barry was giving him, knelt between his knees, his lips only separated from his cock by a layer of fabric and a few breaths, he wasn't sure he could get the words out if he had them. Instead he cursed himself and dropped his head back, letting Barry undo his pants and pull them off completely.

There was a pause, and Len tightened his fist in Barry's soft hair. "Better not be stoppin' now, Scarlet," he growled. The younger man's breath across his sensitive skin was driving him mad and he yearned to feel his hot hands, his wet mouth, licking up and down his length.

Barry laughed softly, a small puff of breath across his dick. "No. You're just... you're big." Before Len could respond, Barry dropped his head down and swallowed him, on hand at the base, squeezing, the other holding his hips down as he tried to buck. To be honest, it'd been a while since he'd had someone go down on him like this. He'd fucked plenty of women and men, but it was a quick in and out, a relief of tension that needed releasing. With Barry it was different. His hot mouth sucked and his tongue darted up and down the length, licking across the slit. He licked at Len's cock like a kid in a candy store and Len could feel all the blood rushing south and his mind lose it's control completely. 

"Stop," he growled, pulling Barry's hair hard. Barry winced, but sat up slightly, his lips deliciously wet and is face a soft pink. His puppy eyes looked confused, dejected and Len could tell he was about to ask if he'd done anything wrong. But he looked thoroughly fucked and Len moaned at the sight, yanking the speedster up to crash their lips together again. Barry reached his hands up to pull at the parka sleeves but Len caught his wrists quickly, pulling back just enough so his lips brushed Barry's as he spoke, their eyes staring into the others. "Keep it on."

Something strange flashed through Barry's eyes and Len gave him that signature smirk he loved so much, mischievous and slightly crooked. He helped Barry out of his pants and boxers quickly, both men gasping as their dicks brushed together, freed. Len turned them again until he was looming over the speedster, the younger man's legs resting on either side of him, spread for all to see. He grinned and bent down to press biting kisses to Barry's chest, nipping and licking at his nipples, taking his time to find each and every different coo and cry he could pull from the man just from his kisses alone. After too long, his dick twitched with impatience and he reached out, hand blindly searching for the drawer of the bedside table while digging his face into Barry's neck, teeth relentless. When he found what he was looking for, he pulled back just enough to slip the condom on and apply a generous amount of lube to his fingers. He left the bottle beside them, ready for another use, as he circled a single digit around Barry's hole.

"Ah, Len," Barry breathed, his back arching slightly and his heels pressing into Len's back, pushing him closer. Len chuckled, slowly pushing his finger in, watching the other man's face for any sign of discomfort. "I-I'm not breakable, Len," the speedster mumbled, and he threw his head back with a loud cry as Len shoved another finger in without warning, brushing against the spot inside him that sent stars scattering across his vision. "Len," Barry moaned, fingers gripping at his shoulders, "I need you, please. I... I need... ah!"

"Well who am I to deny such a request," Len drawled, pulling his fingers out before dropping some lube on himself and stroking for a few seconds. He gasped as he pressed his tip against Barry, slowly pushing in, pausing only when Barry would wince, until he was hilt deep inside the speedster. His own breath came short as he leaned his forehead against the man's shoulder, fingers gripping at Barry's hips and he groaned. The sight of him there, eyes fluttering as if they couldn't decide to stay open or squeeze shut, his chest bare but that damn parka engulfing the rest of him... He begged all the gods that Barry never took the damn thing off in the future. "Fuck, Scarlet... so tight..."

"Move," the speedster demanded in response, rolling his hips and pulling a guttural moan out of the rogue. Len didn't need to be told twice, starting an even pace as his fingers danced across Barry's sides and his lips left bruising kisses over his collar. His rhythm stuttered slightly was Barry dug his nails into Len's back, digging in as he arched and rocked with him, leaving angry red marks over his shoulders and Len growled against Barry's neck. His hips slammed against Barry's, rough and unforgiving, but by the sinful noises the other made, he knew it wasn't unwelcome and there was no sign of pain on the younger man's face.

The feeling was heaven and hell colliding somewhere in the middle, fire and ice, scarlet and grey. With each thrust, Len drew new noises from Barry's lips and he kissed them away, licking them out of his mouth like a starving man as his own short nails raked across Barry's ribs. He arched under him and cried out, a symphony to Len's ears as he rode Barry through his orgasm. He continued through the heavy breaths and the gasping moans until he felt his own release surge through him, his fingers tensing in a bruising grasp on Barry's hips and he dropped heavily on the man's chest.

The silence was filled with only heavy breathing and parading heartbeats as Len rolled himself over onto Barry's side, allowing him to curl up beside him and rest his head on his shoulder. His fingers traced the outline of a viking compass in the center of his chest and his eyelashes fluttered shut, tickling the skin on his neck.

"Barry..."

"No," he whispered back, his voice soft and tired. "Talk in the mornin'... sleep now..."

Len chuckled, raking his fingers through the speedsters hair and rubbing them soft against his scalp. "Alright, alright. Sleep well, Scarlet."

His phone lit up beside him on the table and he glanced at it briefly, a smirk forming on his lips.

 

Your welcome, darling. - Lisa


	15. Suffering and Dinner Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Len talk it out and then go to a very dangerous Dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a little bit since I published a new chapter, I've been working on other fics, but here you go! Hope everyone likes it!

Len woke up slowly, the sun shining through the window as he blinked his eyes open. For what seemed like the first time in weeks, he felt like he had actually gotten a good night's sleep. He was groggy, but relaxed.

And he knew it had to do with the body that was laying heavily next to him. Barry was snuggled up to his side, one arm over his stomach and his head resting on Lens shoulder. Len had his arm wrapped under Barry's head, fingers carding through the tuff of brown hair, his other fingers threaded between the gaps in Barry's fingers. It was nice... to wake up with someone who cares about you. Who doesn't care about the past and the scars.

Barry sniffled and snuggled further into Lens neck.

"Stop thinkin'," he mumbled, lips brushing against the rogues jaw. 

"What makes you think I'm thinking?"

Barry's hand moved lazily to tap against Lens forehead. "I c'n hear it... gears turnin'..." he pressed a sleepy kiss to Lens jaw and hugged him tighter. "Jus' enjoy it... little more..."

He wanted to, he really did, but he knew the longer they put it off, the worse it was going to be.

"Barry, we need to talk..." He groaned and shook his head, fingers brushing Lens side softly. The rogue took those fingers in his hand again and shook his head. "Barry... we really need to talk about this."

Sighing, the speedster rolled off of him and sat up, crossing his legs under him and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "I have a rule, Len. No serious talk this early in the morning," he said grumpily, though there was a smile on his beautiful lips. "Have you figured this out?" He asked.

"Not necessarily," Len answered honestly. "We knew this was going to be difficult coming into this relationship, and I wasn't having trouble with the fact that we're on opposing teams. I had trouble with the fact that being with me put you in danger." Barry opened his mouth to reply, but Len held up a hand, pushing himself up to lean against the headboard. "You can protect yourself, yes, I know. But I don't want you to have to, Barry. People in my line of work don't deserve the luxury of falling in love. It gives you a weakness. I worked with my God damned father to protect my sister. What do you think I'd do for you? Hmm? Loving you puts us both in danger."

"I'm already in danger, Len. And no offense, but my bad guys are a little worse than yours." Barry rubbed his face with his hands and ran them through his unruly hair. "Len I'm facing down a God right now. I'm trying to stop him from killing my sister because she means the world to me. You tell me all this stuff like I don't know how it feels to have loved ones in danger. My villains, Thawn, Zoom, Saavitar... they all go after one thing, my loved ones. Len I lost my father because Zoom wanted to watch me suffer. I lost my mother because Thawn wanted me to suffer. I'm so close to losing Iris because Saavitar wants me to suffer. One little kidnapping is barely a blip on my danger radar. I know, it can be worse than that... but Len, I think out of the both of us, you're the one most in danger right now."

Len hummed and a low chuckle escaped his lips. "I guess we're both dangerous for each other."

Barry smiled and leaned forward, taking Len's face in his hands. "How about this? I date Leonard Snart, and you date Barry Allen?" Len raised an eyebrow and Barry smiled. "I know every once in a while our jobs will come into play and I'm going to skip out on dinners or wake you up in the middle of the night on my way to save a kitten from a tree. And I know you're a criminal. If you get caught, you may do some time in jail and I won't break you out. We'll have our moments and they'll suck, but if we can just... be ourselves and not our persona's... I think we can really make this work."

The rogue raised a hand, brushing it along the freckles on Barry's cheek, down his jaw, before taking his chin between his finger and thumb. He searched the speedster's face for a long moment before sighing. "We're going to be the worst match in history, you know that right?"

Barry only smiled, leaning in to press a soft kiss to the other man's lips. "Or, we could be the best. "

Their kiss was filled with unspoken promises and soft touches, tongues dancing around each other and electricity sparking across skin. It was a reminder to Barry that even in such a dark time with danger looming in his future, he might have something good in his life. Something perfect.

A loud buzz interrupted the kiss and Len groaned, pulling away to lean his forehead against Barry's. "That will be my sister. I'm sure she is trying to figure out if her little master plan worked."

Barry laughed, pulling away and waving to the phone. "Well go ahead, I'll make breakfast. And tell your sister next time not to tell me you're dying."

 

...

 

"I don't think this is a great idea, Scarlet," Len mumbled, staring at the front door of the house like it would swallow him up if he got too close. He wore a simple dark blue button up and black slacks, little snowflake cuff links (courtesy of Barry of course) glimmered in the front porch light. "I will fight metas and face down the everyday cop, hell I'd face down you... but unarmed, walking into a death trap with no plan... This is not a good idea."

Barry laughed, taking Len's hand in his own. He wore a very similar outfit, though his shirt was red and he had no cuff links as the sleeves were rolled up. "Don't worry, I put Caitlyn in charge of making sure Joe doesn't have his weapon. Plus, everyone else will be there and your sister is on her way with Cisco so you won't be alone." He leaned in and gave Len a quick peck on the cheek and a reassuring smile. "Plus, you do have a plan. Woo my family as Leonard, and don't start any fights." The rogue gave him an 'are you kidding me' glare and he just laughed, squeezing his hand tight. "Oh don't worry. I promise, it won't be as bad as you think it will. Well, okay it'll be bad, but it'll be fine I promise! Now let's get in there before someone sends out a search party."

Taking a deep breath, Len puffed out his chest and tried not to hide behind Barry as the speedster rang the doorbell.

After a few moments and some shuffling behind the door, a beautiful young woman pulled it open. Her skin was dark and her hair falling in beautiful curls around her face and she smiled brightly when Barry held out the apple pie they'd brought. "Barry! You know you don't have to... ring... the bell." Her words slowed as she seemed to finally see Len standing beside Barry, their fingers intertwined together, Len's knuckles white at how tight he was squeezing Barry's hand. She raised an eyebrow at the rogue before turning her head to her brother. A silent conversation went on between them so long that Len began to feel uncomfortable, Barry's eyes pleading. Iris frowned but stepped aside to let them in. "I suppose this explain's Caitlyn's sudden fascination with how to take apart and clean a gun."

Barry laughed and led Len into the front hallway which opened up into the living room. Len's eyes scanned the place quickly, finding all possible exits and windows, serveying every member of the room. Caitlyn and Julian were sitting at the coffee table on the floor, facing them, while Joe and Wally sat on the couch, back to them. HR stood by with a beer in his hands, watching the gun shenanigans with enthusiasm. Len let out a slow breath when he noticed the gun was still taken apart in front of them.

"This is going to blow up in your face," Iris whispered as she passed them, a smile forming on her face as she stepped into the living room. "It's Barry, and he's brought a date with him." Iris stepped to the side where her father sat, giving Barry what he could only assume was a 'get ready' look.

Everything happened at once, so fast that Len was almost sure they were a family of speedsters. Everyone stood quickly and Joe reached for his gun on his hip, only to remember it was dismantled on the table, however when he turned to quickly put it together- not that he'd do it in time- Caitlyn had scooped up the biggest part of the gun and scurried back against the fireplace. Iris put a gentle hand on her father's arm, almost holding him back, and Wally quickly sped to stand between the rogue and the rest of his family.

Len's hand itched to reach for his own gun, but it's familiar weight was gone and he had promised Barry no weapons. The speedster hadn't checked him, so there was a small knife strapped to his ankle in case of emergencies, but this didn't qualify so he left it there.

"Barry, what the hell is he doing in my house," Joe hissed, fists clenching at his sides.

The speedster laughed - if a bit awkwardly- and rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah, well... We were having family dinner so I figured I'd introduce you all... to my boyfriend." He drew the last three words out a little long, obviously delaying the inevitable.

"WHAT?" Joe all but screamed.

"Barry, I love you, and I trust you, but he kidnapped your friend, he tried to kill them," Iris said, knowing an explanation was needed. "Not to mention he _has_  killed a lot of people."

Barry nodded, giving Len's hand a gentle squeeze, though the rogue wasn't sure if it was for his own sake, or for Barry's. "I know all that, but he doesn't kill people anymore. I trust him and dare I say it, I love him. Len's been there for me these past few months when I couldn't turn to anyone else. He helped me when I was the most vulnerable and useless. He could have killed me whenever he wanted, but he didn't. He helped me and I think that says a lot."

"I don't care if he fucking gave you the key to a kingdom, Barry, that man is a criminal."

Beautiful eyes narrowed at the detective, his awkward smile falling into a frown. "So am I, Joe. Flash business isn't exactly legal. I do a lot of things outside the law. Now, I know it's not really the same, but we've talked about it. I'm not going to stop him from being a criminal, not if he really doesn't want to, and he won't stop me from being the Flash. Look," he sighed and took a step forward, "I'm not dating Captain Cold, Joe... I'm dating Len. He's helped me through a lot, Caitlyn and Cisco already forgive him for what happened... I'd really like it if you could at least give him a chance."

"Actually," a voice spoke up from behind them and they turned to see Cisco leading Lisa into the door. Lisa was wearing a stunning golden dress that cut off just above her knees and hung low in the back, and Cisco wore his normal graphic t-shirt with a suit jacket over it. (About as fancy as he got unless forced otherwise). "He didn't like my clever usernames, so... totally not forgiven."

Len rolled his eyes and groaned. "That's because they were stupid names. Vibe.olicious.deff is not a clever name, it's cheesy."

Cisco gasped, leaning back slightly and putting a hand over his heart. "You wound me, Cold. I'm wounded."

Giggling sweetly, Lisa gave the scientist a kiss on the cheek. "I like your names, sweetie."

"Well at least someone in the family has taste," Cisco huffed, leading Lisa into the living room on his arm.

"Great, now I have two of the most wanted criminals in Central City, standing in my living room," Joe growled, honestly not sure what to make of all of it.

Barry held up a hand, as if in class, and smirked. "Uh, technically we're still in the foyer... also four criminals, remember, vigilante."

"Five," Caitlyn piped in. "Killer Frost has done some serious damage," she muttered before sending him a smile. "Not to mention, I ran a red light to get here today."

"Caitlyn! I am surprised at you," Cisco scoffed. "Just petty crime. I'll have you know I pirated the new Guardian's movie a day before it came out."

"Alright, _enough_ ," Joe hissed, but his shoulders slumped and he ran a hand over his face, clearly exhausted. "I get your point. You all are going to send me to an early grave, I know it."


End file.
